Suffering and the way we choose to suffer speaks a lot about our trust in the Lord. The race isn’t easy emotionally or physically. We are faced with tragic situations, heartbreaking stories, and people who are so sick they are lucky to wake up in the morning. These people become our friends, our brothers, sisters, and our kids. We are faced with sickness to which we have never been exposed. When we get a cold, its much more than a cold. It’s days of fever and sleeping in a hot and humid room just praying for rest and peace.
One of my favorite historical figures is Mother Theresa. The reason I admire her so much is because of her desires to love people to the extent that she chooses to suffer as they suffer. She embraced the suffering of this world, and I believe she loved so well because of her view point. She once said, “Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus – a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” What does this mean? It seems like a horrible quote with out further exploration and application. But, I began to understand what she meant this week. For nearly a week and a half I have had no voice. I watched my voice slowly slip away as my temperature rose and my throat became inflamed. Walking the couple flights of steps to my bed felt like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Talking to my street babies for any length of time would leave me near tears. Breathing was impossible and just forget doing anything musical. Even though I might rather not had been sick, I was okay with sickness overtaking my body for a time.
In my time of not being able to speak, my prayers to God became less and less complex. ” Papa, I just need you. I don’t feel well.” “Papa, everything hurts.” Suffering can be a testimony of the Lords greatness. Apart from suffering we can not truly understand joy. Joy, being something learned, like self control or peace, can only come forth in times were it does not belong. Joy’s harvesting ground is suffering… it needs it to become something so overwhelmingly genuine and ocean like.
After a week and a half, unable to find rest, or a cold place to sleep, I slept in a small room at the top of our complex we have named the Jesus room. The cool air flowing in from the outside door and the worship music on repeat began to be the first signs of relief and a good nights sleep. Even with my throat burning, head pounding, and heart fluttering for a moment departed from the pain. A smile came over my face. I could feel the Lord near me… Then I heard him whisper. ” I know you’re sick, but I am going to take care of you.”
The next morning I woke up with my voice, my throat no longer hurt, and I understood why Mother Theresa embraced suffering. Because, suffering truly is the place where you feel the Lord’s kisses.
