You know the scene in the movies where the character bumps up against a invisible shield and it shocks and stuns them? They sit there a bit dumbfounded and struggle to wrap their mind around what is happening and what to make of all of it?
That is me right now. Not just because I just got accepted to the Race 1 week before training camp or because never in a million years would I have thought that this would be happening in my life, but because I am bumping up against all these comfort zones I didn’t know I had. I’ve told the Lord (bordering on lamenting to Him) that I would be willing to go to anywhere in the world, even where they persecute Christians but yet, here I was in Flowery Branch, Georgia managing a start up restaurant. I have wondered throughout the years since being back from Youth With a Mission when He would call me overseas, back out into the unknown, into a land with strange smells, foreign language, and a culture that was not my own. I know that I am wired for it, built for it, and come alive in truly no other way but now, when I sit on the cusp of all that I have known that was in the future for me, I am a bit scared. I have grown accustomed to the comfort of my life, knowing when my paycheck was going to come in, what my week, my day looked like. (or at least we think we know, right?)
I am scared of being in community again, people being up close to see my life, to speak into it. I have a handful of incredible friends that consistently speak into my life, but not many I do life with, day in and day out. I am scared to be in a group of people I don’t know and of what they will think. I am finding traces of who I was when I first went to YWAM, scared of speaking in front of people and scared of letting them in.
Do you want to know what I am more scared of though?
I am scared of living a life that amounts to nothing. I am scared that I will live a life half-heartedly and that I wont fulfill the purpose that He made me for.
So I have a deadline, of $3,500 that is due by the 11th. It may seem impossible but I know He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and money is not ever the issue but only that we hear Him and respond. I am not scared I won’t reach it because I want God to do it and will trust that He will stir in the hearts of His people if He wants me to go. And if not? I trust He is using this experience to expand the borders of my comfort zone, of my heart, for Him to be able to fill it up with whatever He wants.
If you feel so led to invest in my life, in His kingdom, and in what He wants to do with me, you can donate via the “support me!” button!! If you have any questions, comment below and join up with me in whatever way you feel led!
