A little poem/prayer I wrote the first few days here in Draganseti, Romania….
My Prayer
There is something inside of me that is dying to get out.
It is in my heart. I can feel it coursing through my veins and pulsing with every breath I take.
It has desires. Deep and relentless desires to love, to laugh, to have deep and meaningful relationships and conversations, as well as fun and uplifting ones.
It desires to commune with the Holy Spirit and see the glory of God’s manifest presence here on the earth.
It desires to love the lost, to pray for the sick and to feed the homeless. To do God’s work with the same love and vigor that Jesus had.
But there is something in my heart that holds it back.
And at times I shrink back in fear when the opportunity arises to love or to be loved.
This something inside of me that tells me I am not good enough and that I will be rejected.
That the end game will be just another failure and that others will judge me and not love me if I speak up or step out.
Where does this fear come from?
Why is it there?
How can I fight it?
Won’t it just go away?
I want so much to love others and to live without fear.
I want to feel close to others, to allow people into that part of my heart where the love of Jesus is.
I can feel his love coursing through my veins
And it is dying to get out.
But it is scary.
It is foreign.
And it feels dangerous.
I want to give and receive freely, to love without fear, and to trust that I will not be wounded yet again.
But fear is a pesky little thing.
And it is hard to get rid of.
Lord help me conquer the fear that holds me back from the intimacy I so desire.
Let your love conquer my fear.
Let me trust you to guide me through my life and my relationships.
So that I may love freely.
Because perfect love cast out all fear.
And you are love.
So that I can be a beacon of light that shines for you.
So that I may taste your goodness on this earth, in the here and now.
This is my prayer.
Amen.
**For those of you who do not know I will be landing on U.S. soil on the 6th of December and will be back with my mom in Ft. Collins, CO on December 7th. From there I will be taking a road trip to Utah, Nevada, and Arizona from the 18th until after the New Year. I would love to meet up with anyone who wants to so hit me up on FB and I will be doing the same. Love you!!**
