Many people have spoken to us about the spiritual climate in India. "Get prayed up," they have warned us and "be ready to fight some spiritual battles of a lifetime," have been some common cautions and warnings we have heard. We spent most of last month wondering if we were going to make it here or not. With our tickets purchased in January and a change in Indian Visa laws that makes it illegal to get a Visa except from your country of origin we fought all of March trying to get the legal approval to come here. We hit nearly every Indian Embassy in South Africa searching for one that would listen to our plea. Finally, in Pretoria we started making progress and just about 5 days before we were scheduled to fly out we got the final okay to go. It has been said that with that kind of battle just to get into the country that God has a lot in store for us this month.
As most of you know, team changes took place at debrief. Paul got moved up to be a squad leader, Andy to a team leader, Mary and Sarah got switched onto a different team together, and Matt and I ended up alone on new teams with new names and faces. All of this on top of Kelley going home last month means that our team has literally been ripped apart. This change has not been easy for me. I have been fighting to stay in a good place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so that I can be there for my new team and the many people I will minister to this month. Being on the road away from everything that is familiar is already hard. Now it will be even harder, for a time. I was just getting settled into my team and getting to a level of friendship and trust with them that is required to function well together on the field, and now this is changing too. It is interesting looking back at the emotional rollercoaster I have been on as I have walked through this change. At first, I was really excited when I was told we were doing team changes. New things are fun and exciting. I was super stoked to meet my new team and get closer to other members of the squad. Then, as names were read and we were introduced to our new teams (with a beautiful ceremony on the beach), it hit me. I was no longer going to be with my girls; my Mary and Sarah who have come to be so near and dear to my heart, and to my brothers Andy, Paul, and Matt who have poured brotherly love and knowledge into me and shown me what true men of God look like. As happens in life, the seasons change, and N'Pursuit is no more. As this has hit me, I have cried, laughed, and had to trust in God more than ever.
Though it has been tough the healing that has come through it and the vision of my new team is something that only God could have thought up.
For our last lunch together, Mary, Sarah, and I went to Debonairs Pizza and split a double stacker pizza. As we sat down and Sarah started praying for our food we all suddenly burst into tears. I'm not sure that prayer ever technically ended. Then, as we realized the whole restaurant was staring at us we burst into laughter at the scene we were making, which just added to the effect. This has been a common story for us girls of N'Pursuit (not the crying part but the laughing part). For those of you who have said to me that laughter is a medicine I have walked in that the last several months and have healed from some pretty painful stuff through the laughter my team has brought me.
As I continued to cry I asked God why I was taking it so hard. I mean I loved my team but this was ridiculous. Through this God revealed some things to me. He showed me that I have still been carrying the weight of changes I have been through in my life that were hard and scary, and that I needed to release those things and this change to Him and to trust Him fully in this. As I was crying I realized I was behaving as though I was twelve years old again, being forced into a new situation that was both scary and exciting and not seeking my comfort in Him. Though this has been a painful thing to walk through it has allowed me to even more fully trust in God and to rely on his strength even more. So I will cling to the words I heard so often as a child, that “He will not give us more than we can handle,” and though adjusting to this new team is going to be hard I know God has plans for us that will bring glory to his name.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.
