I’m not gonna lie… this blog is not going to come easily. But God is laying on my heart to be open and honest and as hard as that is, it is what He wants from me; so I’m gonna do it. The past few weeks have not been easy. As most of you know I went to training camp almost exactly a month ago and it was a wonderful experience; an experience that changed me for the better, forever. I was surrounded by the spirit and around people constantly who were all on the same page about our awesome Lord and Savior.
It was not easy. God tested me emotionally, physically, and spiritually in ways I could not have imagined. He revealed things about me, to me, that only He knew and that I desperately needed to know. He told me I am powerful and weak at the same time, that I am a sinner and that is okay, and that He has great things in store for me that I cannot even fathom at this point, and that I have some changing to do. There is great freedom in knowing these things and I experienced freedom from some bondages and chains I have held onto for a long time. I can honestly say that from this experience I am closer to Him and His spirit than I have ever been, but it doesn’t mean that it all comes easily from here on out, or that I have arrived at 1st and HappilyEverAfter.
To be honest, coming home from training camp has been messy. I have changed, but my environment has not. I am finding myself trying to piece together a new life and a new identity in just a few months before I leave the country for a year. I thought I was a Christian before, going to church here and there, reading the Bible occasionally, staying out of “deep” trouble. But to be honest, before training camp my relationship with Jesus was very surface level. Now that has all changed. I am growing rapidly in the spirit and changing in ways I have needed to for years. This new identity I am forging is my identity in Christ, full fledged, and it is awesome. It is not without its trials, in some ways there are more trails; but there are plenty of happy endings that come with it, especially as I learn to submit to His will and be broken. He is opening my heart and cleansing my spirit, and revealing to me all that is good. From all that has happened in just the past few months I cannot even wait to see what is in store for the year, and in my lifetime with Him.
Thank you Jesus!
