Training camp changed my life.
Let’s just cut straight to it, no beating around the bush, my life was beautifully wrecked by Jesus!
Camp was the hardest/BEST time of my life so far! From bucket showers, porta potties, sleeping in a one person’s tent with three people in the rain, hiking with our huge packs, eating crazy food, INTENSE worship, oh and can’t forget BOOT CAMP… God stretched me, and then stretched some more.
*when I say stretch I mean, took me far outside of my comfy zones.
Training was physically, emotionally, and spiritually challenging. But if I had to describe it in one word it would be “cleansing.” I was healed of some dark secrets that I thought would take years to heal from. Before I had even left for camp the Lord had been bringing up some things in my past, and revealing some deep wounds that I had never shared with anyone about. One of the things that He healed me from at camp was sexual abuse. This was something that had been keeping me held captive for many years. I knew shame and guilt pretty darn well. Not only this, but many other things were brought up at camp that made me realize I needed healing and I needed it right then. My past was chaining me up.
It was like no matter how many times someone told me I was beautiful or what Jesus thought of me as His daughter, it wouldn’t sink into my heart.
5 days seemed like 2 months, and by the time I went home I was set free!
I AM SET FREE
ACTUALLY, a hundred words could describe what I experienced at camp.
From the get go I knew God took me there to show me how much He loved me. It was like once I went through the healing, and the grieving of my past, the blockages that wasn’t allowing the truth of my worth to get inside of my heart were BULLDOZED down and everything was sinking in!!!
I am HIS beloved, His bride, a princess, royalty, BEAUTIFUL! He knows my favorite flowers, my favorite everythings, He knows me and loves me unconditionally. My words MATTER, my being matters! My past doesn’t define me, anymore. At all. Notta. Zip. Nope.
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The hardest time of my life, brought some amazing friendships, healing/CLEANSING, and FREEDOM. It also brought me to a deeper place of abandonment. I thought I was abandoned to His call, and truly following Him until I wasn’t hearing Him telling me to “go.” God made it clear as daylight that I was supposed to be home right now, that the race my friends are leaving for in five weeks was not the trip I was supposed to leave for and that this season He had for me needs to be a place of sitting in His lap and letting Him love me. I really wrestled with this the days I was at camp, because obviously it’s not something that’s easy to just let go and come back home to family & friends and say “things have changed.” But after a whole lot of tears, and crying out to my Father… I knew what I was supposed to do and took an early flight back home. I’m not sure what His plans are for me right now, I just know that His plans are far far better than mine and even though traveling the world to share the gospel is exciting… He’s got some kind of exciting plan here for me for the time being.
God has provided almost $10,000. This money will not be wasted, it’ll be saved into an account until I hear Him say “go.”
I know this might be confusing to some of you, but I just know that I know that I knowwww what I heard from God and hope that all of you guys will understand. Although I could’ve easily gone with my own desires, especially after breaking free, I want His will His way. When the time is right, I will get back on that airplane and fly wherever He tells me to fly. So for right NOW, I’m excited to see what He’s got going on! I’ve already been seeing just a glimpse on why He has sent me back home, since I’ve been back.
Thank you guys SO MUCH for the love, prayers, and support! You guys ROCK! I ask that you will continue to pray over me as I follow Jesus wherever He wants me to go.
Love y’all,
Desirae Lynn
“May I be broken bread, may I be poured out wine
May I incarnate, Your kindness Lord
Spend my life Jesus, anyway You please
Whether on great things, or what seems small
Your will done your way
Your will done your way
Your will done your way
I will not fight You
Take me past the line that my heart draws
I will not fight You
Take me beyond the laziness of my thoughts
I will not fight
Lead me further than I’ve gone before
I will not fight You
I’m abandoned to Your call
Do not let there be, any part of me
That’s untouchable, unreachable
Let my delight be, living out Your dreams
Washing dirty feet, and kissing Yours
God let Your dreams come true, dream through us
God let Yours dreams come true through us”
