I have quickly realized that the World Race is more than
just feeding the orphans and building homes for people. And in the middle of the crazy
wild fun we have had and the excitement of traveling the world, I have found
the center of it all has been brokenness. Brokenness is absolutely beautiful if it is understood. Many of us have committed much time and
prayer to get to the very core of brokenness. God has asked us to peel off,
layer by layer, any hindrance that is keeping us from closest relationship to
him and to those around us. Many have spent time bringing back hurts from the
past that they have decided to forget and never deal with. God has brought
things to the surface that we didn’t even know we were still struggling with.
He wanted to do this so that any lies or unforgiveness towards others can be
redeemed. It hurts sometimes to bring these things up; however, it is beautiful
to see a girl, who for her whole life has lived in shame and thinks everything
in her past is her fault, realize the truth that she did nothing wrong and that
the physical and sexual abuse was NOT her fault. It hurts for a time bringing
the past back up and to see her on her knees feeling the guilt and the shame.
But then something beautiful happens. You hear God speak to her. “No, you are
pure, you are perfect, and you are my daughter,” and to see her believe that,
makes it all worth the tears and pain in the end. Brokenness is beautiful.
Another
form of brokenness has just recently taken its turn with me. I’m the type of
person that feels everything and I feel it to my very core. As a new squad
leader I have much learning to do and the past few weeks have been very full of
much of everything. It really has been a beautiful experience so far. I still
feel everything to the core though. Every mistake I make I feel it, seeing a
world racer hurting I feel it, when someone is really excited I feel it. Last
night it all just hit me at once. All of
a sudden the pressures just hit me and I couldn’t physically handle all the
deep emotions that were rushing through my body. My body started to feel warn
down and I started BREAKING. I cried, like I do when I’m warn out. I started saying, “I can’t do this. I can’t
do this anymore.” God said, “YES. THANK
YOU! I HOPED YOU WOULD REALIZE THAT.” And that is God’s intensions for
brokenness. He wants to get us to the point where we realize there is no possible
way to healthfully move on without letting him take over and use his never
ending strength and energy. God new all along that I couldn’t do it, and he
just wanted to get to the end of me to know that the only way this will happen
is to let him take over. It’s so much better this way! During this time of
brokenness God has just asked me to rest and bask in his love and let him fill
me back up. How much better can that get?
