I was never one who was known for their performance in school. I was the epitome of the saying “A for effort” and “Well, I tried”. So when I walked across that stage in May and received that diploma from The University of Mississippi, no one was more excited. The days and nights of studying and worry had not only paid off, but they were done. Heck yes, no more school for me, goodbye. Which makes how I am feeling now, even more confusing.
Most of you may know but since graduating in May, I have not left Oxford. I am working two different ministry jobs until the end of the semester when I will go back to Downers Grove for the last few weeks before launch. When the opportunity presented itself for me to spend one last semester in my beloved college town, I was very excited. I did not yet have to say goodbye to my friends and family I have made here and things wouldn’t change. Woah man, was I wrong. Things changed. Big time, did things change. Some of my closest friends are on the other side of the country chasing big dreams. And while many of my friends are in Oxford as well continuing to pursue their dreams, I can’t help but feel left behind.
It’s a surreal feeling to feel that life is moving on without you, but sometimes that’s the best way I can describe it. There are times when I feel like the creepy-weirdo who won’t leave school even though their time is done (we all can think that ONE PERSON who just won’t move on).
This weeks marks the start of the 5th week of classes and for most people that means the start of exams. I am in no way jealous having to study (cram) for a test but I have found myself longing for that connection with others. Not being with my friends in the struggle of needing a scantron (or blue book or a #2 pencil etc) has led to a deep feeling of disconnect. I did not know how living in my community that has been so a part of who I am for four years, would leave me feeling so isolated.
At this point of me sharing my journey, y’all may have picked up on the fact that feeling isolated is practically WORSE CASE SCENARIO for someone like me. Being in my own head can be quite dangerous because that is when the enemy starts seeping in. Instead of allowing that, I gave these feelings of disconnect and isolation to the God is always with me and allowed His truth to be what rang true. The Book of Romans is filled with comforting words that I keep finding myself going back to. In chapter 8 Paul writes to the church at Rome and says:
“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children”
Boom. There we go. When I long for community and companionship I need look no further than myself, for I have the Holy Spirit living in me and God has called me His. It’s that simple, yet for some reason for me, I keep forgetting this truth. So yes, this season of living in a college town without being in college is different and at times difficult, but that is not the end of the story. My story in Christ is just beginning and I for one cannot wait to see how this beautiful love story unfolds.
It’s pretty amazing to think that in less than a month I will be meeting my squad members for the first time and I can share this with people who are going through it as well. Community is key y’all. Wherever you are and whatever season the Lord has called you into, be fully there and engaged because I think God has something special He wants us to see and be a part of. I do not regret my decision to stay in Oxford for my “9th semester” because I am learning so much and God has opened my eyes to incredible things. And thank God, none of this requires a scantron.
Much love,
Delaney
