Some of my friends from F Squad, here in Georgia
“So, what are you up to now?”
This question, asked repeatedly by all my old friends at Adventures in missions, has become the bane of my existence. How do you explain to someone, you feel like you’re working a mediocre job and not living out any of your passions, without becoming a downer?
This time last year I was in Thailand. I was teaching english to under privileged students, and going into bars telling the girls there of their value and worth. I was surrounded by bright colors, loud streets, and amazing food. My life had purpose, calling, direction.
This time two years ago, I had just come home from the world race, full of dreams for where the Lord would take me, and vision for the amazing things He would do through me.
So when people ask me what I am doing now, I want to laugh, or cry, maybe a little of both.
Currently, I’m waitressing at the best greek restaurant in my home town. The other night one of my tables pulled me aside and told me they were extremely impressed and I was the definition of the perfect server.
At first I was elated at the compliment! I was exceptional at my job! As i basked in the compliment however, by face began to fall. I went form thinking ‘Im the best server!’ to ‘I’m the best SERVER..’. I began to realize being the best server is like saying i am the best hamburger flipper at Mcdonnalds. Congradi-freaking-lations.
I went from traveling around the world telling people about how valued and loved they are, to asking if people want feta cheese on that. I went from a place of purpose and destiny, to working a 60 hour a week job which has nothing to do with my passions. Talk about my life taking a turn.
My heart hungers for adventure. As all my friends bombard social media with pictures of distant lands, and obscene foods, I can’t help but feel like something is missing from my life. I’m missing out; the life i am living now doesn’t measure up to the life I’ve dreamed of living.
I spent the last few years living this amazing life of excitement, and adventure, traveling around the world, and pursuing the Lord. I discovered new passions, new identities, and a completely new way of thinking. Then, after everything, all that change and chance and heart break, I moved home, and went back to exactly what i was doing before i went on the race.
Talk about living a disappointing life.
I was shown all there is out there, and then had the Lord tell me none of it was for me. I’m not supposed to be traveling around the world, I’m not supposed to live in another country, I’m not supposed to work full time in ministry. What happens when the Lord tells you to go home, and work as a waitress.
And so I have been sitting here, waiting for my life of excitement and adventure to return. It is all to easy to wait around for that amazing, life changing, ground shaking opportunity which will fulfill all of your passions. It’s what I have been doing for the last 8 months.
The Lord told me to wait, and so I crossed my arms, stuck out my bottom lip, and said ‘alright God, whatever you have next better be GOOD!’
And then the Lord began giving me opportunity after opportunity, each of them small and seemingly insignificant. An opportunity to mentor someone here, a bible study there. And every time, each opportunity I came across, I crossed my arms, and said ‘nope, not big enough, not great enough, not close enough to adventure and excitement. You told me to wait, so I am going to wait until you give me exactly what I want!’
man, sometimes I act like a spoiled little brat.
Because of my mindset of only wanting the big, life changing thing, i’ve missed out on the reason God called me back to colorado in the first place.
He has been throwing me all these opportunities and chances to maybe not live a huge adventure, but to live faithfully, to follow him, to trust him, and I have said no to all of them. I have been so busy looking for my next big break that i have missed all small ones. All the small chances to say yes, to follow Him, to press in where he has me.
What if i had taken those small opportunities? what if i had been faithful with the small things He had given me? Instead of trusting the Lord with my dreams and passions, I told him what I wanted, and waited for him to give them to me.
From now on, I will choose to say yes to the little things. To be faithful to the small things, even if i struggle to see their significance. God is faithful, and Good, and there is a reason I am where I am. So i will say yes to what he puts before me.
I chose not to live feeling like I’m missing out, or that life is passing me by because I’m not doing what i always thought i would be.
I’m done waiting for my next big break, instead taking every small opportunity handed to me, I will mentor, and encourage, and attend church, walking faithfully in what I have already before me. I will choose to say yes to the small things, and watch as the Lord uses those to bring my passions to life.
What opportunities has the lord been giving you lately that you have not been taking because they aren’t what you want, or what you think you deserve?
My small group/ family in Colorado
