There are things in our lives, hurts that we have accumulated over the years, lies that we have buried in our hearts as truths. things which we have called our identity for as long as we can imagine, that we have made them as truths in our own lives . Our loving father sees these pains, and he hurts for us. He hurts because the lives that we are living are not to the fullness he envisioned for us when he knitted us together in our mothers womb. He hurts because we so eagerly accept and believe the lies that are poured over us every day. We listen to the enemy, and find ourselves nodding in agreement with what he is saying.
We believe that we are ugly.
We believe that we are replaceable.
We believe that we are a mistake.
We believe that our words are pointless and overlooked.
Luckily for us however, we have an adoring father who is doing everything he can to show is the truth of our identity. Taking every opportunity to teach us who we really are.
At the beginning of the month, our pastor Thomas informed us that we would be performing two dance routines at three weddings. This being The World Race, we knew that plans change every four seconds, and that we could very well not have to dance at all, so we forgot about it.
About a week ago our pastor asked us how our dances were coming along and whether we wanted to practice at the church. We, of course, hadn't even listened to the songs they wanted us to dance to, let alone choreographed anything. 'Dance class with Lindsey' started the very next day, as we began putting together two totally different dances to preform at the weddings.
A little clumsily, and a little sloppily our dances were pulled together. I found myself dreading the dances. So much so that I ended up almost crying out of frustration one day during practice. The dance looked good, but I didn't. I can't dance. I have said it over and over again. I can not dance. My teammates would pour life into me, telling me that I was doing great, and that we looked good, but I would have none of it.
Where was this emotion coming from? Why was I so so scared?
When I was in 8th grade, me and my two best friends decided that we were going to do a dance in the upcoming school talent show. We spent every weekend at each others houses and practiced every day during lunch for a month. We twirled, blended, and one of my friends (a gymnast) even flipped. The day of the talent show approached, and I was so excited. Dancing on stage before the whole school was a major adrenaline rush, but so much fun! We ended our dance with our arms out wide, breathing hard and waiting to be covered in adoration. What washed over us however was something of quite a different nature. Laughter. The entire cafeteria was in hysterics with endless merciless laughter. I could feel my face turn beet red as we rushed off the stage. Unfortunately for me however we were to go back to our seats in the cafeteria to watch the rest of the talent show. Taking my seat on the floor in front of the stage, I closed my eyes and wished I could disappear. The boy next to me leaned over still laughing, and told me he couldn't believe I messed up so badly. I didn't remember messing up the dance, I thought it had gone perfectly, and that we looked as wonderful as our parents had assured us we did when we had preformed for them earlier. I looked at the boy and assured him that I did not mess up. He laughed even harder. And I could just feel my heart breaking. I was the laughing stock of the school for the next couple of weeks. Our dance was horrible. I was horrible. I was not good enough to dance in front of anyone. I was not good enough to dance at all. I was just not good enough period.
It all came flooding back in waves of color and emotion. I'm not good enough. I will be humiliated in front of a bunch of strangers, and laughed at. The lie that was spoken over me at such a young age, still held so much ground. I am a joke, and who i am is not good enough. if i were someone else, or had different talents i would be loved more. The idea of performing before hundreds of people was terrifying. Why would I do something that would make me feel like a complete mess up?
The amazing thing about God is that he gives us opportunities to face our lies, face our past, and gives us the strength to overcome the past. I dreaded the dance. I did not want to do it, but I held tight to the truth that I was dancing to glorify God, and walked into the gym with my head held high.
We started our dance with our backs to the audience, and as we spun around to face the crowd I saw about four hundred people all standing at the front of the building, eyes wide, and cameras out. The size of the wedding was shocking, the anticipated gathering of about 40 or 50 was blown so far out of the water it was almost comical. The fact that we were white Americans preforming an indian dance didn't go unnoticed, it guaranteed every eye on us.
I smiled largely and began the practiced dance. Despite a couple mess ups things went smoothly and ended with a standing ovation. For the rest of the night I was patted on the back, and had my hand shaken as person after person told me how beautiful I am, and how amazing our dance was. The laughing I was anticipating never came. Instead we were all praised and thanked.
God put this challenge in my path so that I could face the lie saying that who I am is not good enough. He brought up the lie that I had buried so long ago, and forgotten about; accepting it as a truth. Not only did He bring this lie to light, he also gave me the most amazing environment to overcome my fears. He gave me the safest environment to face my lies, and come out having truth sung into my every step. The amazing family we have been staying with would never laugh at me, mock me, or tell me I am not good enough. God let me face the cliff with the knowledge that I might fall, but he would always catch me. His goodness and love for me is overwhelming.
We are the children of an amazingly good God, who wants to give you opportunities to face your past, to face your hurts, and to face your lies. The hard part is trusting that He will not let you fall. I had no way to know that by doing this dance I would be freed from my past, I had no way to know that I wouldn't be laughed off stage, all I knew was that my Daddy was calling me to dance for Him, and that he would never let me fall. So I danced.
I danced into joy.
I danced into happiness.
I danced into freedom.
Come dance with me in this new found freedom only offered by The Father.
