200 days!
150 days
100 days
98 days
97 days
I have a count down clock on my phone. Every time I opened my phone I would look at it and feel a surge of excitement for the impending adventure looming closer.
At two hundred days I yelled "two hundred days!!" and then danced around work with one of my friends. My excitement was overwhelming and it felt like forever away.
I hit my 100 day mark this last week, and my reaction was somewhat different. Although I was once again filled with excitement, my excitement was mixed with something else.
100 days
Two hundred felt like just yesterday. The time flew by, a hundred this time seems like no time at all.
This last weekend was one of those rare times when everything feels perfect. I spent two days with my best friends playing in the sun and forgetting our age. My weekend was a blur of picnics, hopscotch, bubble blowing, kite flying, and sunburns.
While I was laughing with my friends on the outside, there was this little voice in the back of my head whispering 'enjoy it now, because it's fleeting.' My mind has shifted gears. I have begun to mentally capture each moment like it is my last. My last time playing childish games with my friends. My last family lunch after church, laughing about that sundays service. My last midnight dinner at Perkins, harassing our servers and trying to get free pie. My last time driving around aimlessly because we have nowhere better to be.
Over exaggerating? perhaps. melodramatic? very. But recently I have come across a new feeling to accompany the excitement; Fear.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of leaving my friends and family.
I am scared of leaving home, and everything going on without me.
I'm scared of what I'll see.
I'm scared of what we'll do.
I'm scared of coming back a new person, and no one recognizing me.
I'm scared of people forgetting about me.
Every time I look at that countdown on my phone, I feel excitement, along with a wave of stress, fear, and sadness.
Now please Don't get me wrong. This is where the Lord is leading me, there is no doubt about that. I want to go on the world race more then anything. But I'm still scared.
I'm currently reading this book called Hinds Feet on High Places, It is a story about a young girl 'Much-afraid' and her journey with the Shepherd to the high places. One of the lines spoken by the shepherd really caught my attention in reference to the fear I have been feeling lately.
"why I don't know anyhting more exhilarating and delightful then turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and which has been marred into perfection."
I pray that the Lord does just that. Turns my weakness to strength and my fear into faith. If he turned all my fears into faith I would be one faithful servant!
Please keep me in your prayers. I have an amazingly large amount of preparation to do before I leave and have no idea where to begin. Pray for God's peace to surround me and to fill me with strength. Pray for my support raising, that he will provide for me beyond my imagination.
If the lord is leading you to bless me, or putting me on your heart please consider supporting me. I still need to raise $12,500. It's as easy as clicking the "support me!" tab on the left hand side of the screen. Thank you so much!
