“God, I know that you will put me on a team where I can learn and grow and minister in you. But, you also know how much I do not want to be on an all-girl team. So…put me wherever you want…but You should probably not want me on an all-girl team. Thanks.”
This was my wishy-washy prayer for the weeks leading up to training camp. I tried desperately not to pray this prayer. I so wanted to only pray the first half…that God would put me where ever I would grow most. However, somehow, the second half always came out.
I grew up with a sister and two brothers, but I spent a majority of the time with the brothers. My dad has been my mentor and my best friend for as long as I can remember. My close friend groups have always included mostly guys. I don’t like the drama of girls. I don’t like the cattiness of girls. I don’t like the judgmental backstabbing of girls. With a few exceptions, I just don’t like girls.
So as I sat at a picnic table, surrounded by the five other girls that made up my ALL-GIRL team, I cried.
Yes, I cried when I found out my team assignment.
I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t sad.
I was terrified.
As I tried to express this to the group without offending them, one of the squad trainers said:
“Deborah, you have to learn how to love women.”
Whoa. Ouch. Reality check.
And then I felt the reassurance of God. “This is where I want you to grow. This is where I can teach you to minister. This is where you can learn. Trust me. Give this a chance.”
I began listening as the other girls expressed their fears. Many of them were similar. We were all apprehensive for our own reasons about this all girl team.
And in that moment of expressing our fears to each other, God changed my heart. I suddenly felt overwhelming peace and a strong connection to these beautiful ladies. I wanted to be in this group; I needed to be in this group. But God did not change my heart alone – He changed every heart in the group and bound them together. Suddenly, in an instant, we became a family.
Me, Stacie, Caitlin, Margaret, Carly, Laura
Do not misunderstand me – I am still terrified. As I stare down the barrel of the next 11 months, knowing I will have this all girl team, a part of me still wants to run for the hills. But the bigger, stronger part is more terrified to do this journey without them. And that stronger part is excited to learn how to love women through this family – Team Homeward Bound.
So if God is telling you He wants to do something for you, even when it is against your every instinct, trust Him. He does not call us to be comfortable. He calls us to be challenged and to grow in Him. I cannot say how my trusting will pan out, but I am sure this time next year, I will have learned more than I can imagine. In just ONE day, God showed us how He is going to use us in ministry and how He wants to dance over us (this may have to be an entirely different blog!). How much more will He show me in 334 days with these God-filled, beautiful women?
