Upon entering Quito, Ecuador for month four, my soul found itself swimming in a sea of restless tension, fighting against the current of “World Race Culture.” I was weary, emotionally exhausted, and ready for a much needed break during debrief. However, all of a sudden I was surrounded by forty squadmates rather than five. For the first time on the Race, and probably in my entire, highly-extroverted life, all I wanted to do was escape from everyone and hide.
I was turning sour towards the missionary lifestyle and growing more exasperated each day by the thought that the Race is my reality for seven more months. Why my soul felt like it was sinking under the “World Race Culture” and why I was turning into an introvert, I had no clue, but what I did know was that I needed to talk about my mounting frustrations against the Race or else I would ruin it.
Here’s the deal, my perspective on community and how best to cultivate an environment in which all five of my teammates can thrive is different than what is presented by Adventures in Missions. I have my opinions on feedback, team time, vulnerability, and leadership, and while most of my views coincide with the philosophy behind the model provided within the World Race, my application looks very different from the model our squad has been striving towards these past four months.
Because of the difference in my application, there has been an undue and unsaid pressure to live up to the “World Race Culture” and, as our team leader, a sense of guilt or fear rested upon me, especially when reunited with the rest of our squad and leaders. I felt as though I would be chastised any moment for leading Team Kenosis in such a way that most certainly puts us out of the running for World Race Poster Child.
After a few conversations with my squad leaders, I quickly realized that there is nothing wrong with having a different perspective; in fact, my unique way of seeing the Race ought to be celebrated, and there certainly isn’t any such thing as a World Race Poster Child. So where was this sense of guilt and fear coming from? Why was I dreading being reprimanded from something that isn’t a problem in the first place?
I’m still working on an answer, but out of all the processing these past few weeks I’ve concluded one thing: if my goal is to live a World Race lifestyle, I will fail myself and fail the Lord. The culture towards which I must strive, whether studying at a university, working at a health club, serving abroad on the World Race, or hosting friends for dinner, is a Kingdom Culture.
Kingdom Culture is not determined by a mission’s organization, nor is it a one-size-fits all lifestyle. Kingdom Culture is not an environment that causes tension or produces guilt; it is a lifestyle that promotes Shalom, increases freedom, and makes approval-seeking ineffectual. By no means does AIM’s vision for community and daily living go against the Kingdom, but it also isn’t the only model that produces a life marked by the Fruit of the Spirit. In fact, it is just one of many programs that push people to ask the question “What is Kingdom Culture and how am I uniquely designed to live it out?”
By wrestling through this question and asking the Lord for answers, I’ve come to a more comfortable place in which the culture of the Lords’ Kingdom can determine my lifestyle, regardless of where I find myself. I’ve also identified a number of falsehoods I’ve been secretly speaking over myself ever since Training Camp that have had a hand in my disposition towards World Race Culture. The most obvious is my need for approval, especially within a position of leadership. The Kingdom doesn’t endorse people-pleasing nor do its citizens find their worth in the affirmation of others. Incidentally, neither does the World Race.
Therefore, I no longer operate out of the fear or guilt of being “wrong” for rejecting the model of community and missions provided by the World Race. Instead, I operate out of the freedom of determining my culture and my lifestyle based on Kingdom ideals rather than the ideals of Christ-centered organizations. My participation in those organizations will change from season to season, but my citizenship in the Kingdom of God shall never end.
It is to that culture I will forever be tied.
