It’s been only a few months since I began this Worldrace Journey, and what a crazy wild escapade it has been…. recently I have been so discouraged. Which I know you don’t want to hear, if you’ve donated maybe you have felt fear strike your heart reading that and thought oh no…shes backing out, shes giving up, she wasted all my money!
No worries! That is not true at all, I feel the Lord’s call on this and I will stay fundraising even if it takes me three years to get on the field. True story bro.
Anyways, I feel like I need to get really honest here for post. These past two months I have been filled with fear, fear of not getting to leave in October, fear that all my friends are annoyed with me asking for money, fear of fundraising fear that everyone will discover that I am actually really bad at this whole fundraising thing,fear that people will see me for who I really am, and to get down to it, fear that God isn’t big enough and I have to do this all by my little self. In this oppression and thought process I have been living for the past 2ish months with it only getting bigger and heavier by the day. My previous love for all things Worldrace related were dwindling, of course I still wanted to go but I didn’t want to put in the effort for it. I wasn’t spending hours, reading race blogs, brainstorming fundraising, and pouring over my required reading pretraining camp, or really talking to my squad at all. I was too discouraged and worried.
But God….
Last night I was reading Ephesians 5 before I went to bed and for the past two months I had felt super confused and slightly depressed about my lack of passion for something God had so obviously put a passion in my heart for earlier. As I read the phrase and concept of walking in the light kept hitting me, much like golf ball sized hail, I had to ask myself, was I walking like a child of the light? Was I enjoying the light that had been so graciously bestowed on me by the Father? Then as I was contemplating these thoughts, but still half reading,the last part of verse 14 could have been written in all caps and highlighted. “AWAKE, O SLEEPER, AND RISE FROM THE DEAD AND CHRIST WILL SHINE ON YOU”……..oh okay well there’s the answer. And ironically I fell asleep in peace. I woke up this morning for the first feeling 100% peace, I re-read Ephesians 5. This time it seemed the verse had even more emphasis. All day all I wanted was my passion renewed, I wanted light, I wanted Christ to shine in and through me. So tonight as I was looking up some things on my Worldrace account, I decided to look at the recorded donations since the beginning, and if I ever wanted to see God’s faithfulness in a real way,there it was. Donation after donation, some from people I barely knew to members of my own family. I felt so, so blessed and humbled, that God would give me this beautiful, adventurous gift and friends, family and friends of family that were excited about it with me. So to each one of my supporters whether you donated prayer, encouragement, or funds, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for living with your hands open and for going before the throne on my behalf. I am so truly blessed thank you for allowing the Lord to use you!
Signed passionately and no longer sleeping,
walking in the light.
