Hard things I learn that everyone around me already knew I needed to learn.

I want to enjoy fundraising.
There I said it.
I ‘ve watched videos , read articles,  sympathized, prayed, talked to people. I came to the conclusion that this journey is super precious. I have a bit more then a year to experience and full time fall in love with the race. 
 To adore every inch of it. And trust God for this 4 billion dollars thing. (Not literally 4 billion but it feels like it sometimes). I can’t wait to see God show up! I’m pumped about him getting the glory, for screaming about how cool my Jesus is down the hall of my dorm. For feeling awkward when I ask for money. For crying when people give me money. For talking about how much paul the apostle KILLS it when he wrote 1st Thessalonains (guys, he killed, so flippin cool man, its like he was in a rap battle and 1 st thess. is the dang mic drop).   I want to enjoy fundraising more then I enjoy hitting the snooze in the morning , and thats like striaght up my 2nd love. Not really, its my 4th. 
I digress.
Anyways back to  my original point. Jesus called me to this race, oh me of little faith, he called out because of grace. And I’m overwhelmed with who he is on the daily. I  want to raise my hands and awkwardly dad dance back and forth that I get to glorify God with every part. He didn’t call me to love the field, and hate America, nor love the launch and training camp but dispise fundraising . He called me to live a radical life . He called me to do something crazy. “Go on the worldrace oh you of little bank account” . Then this week he called me to something more. “I want you to love fundraising. I want you to find joy in it. ” so im gonna love fundraising . And its gonna be great. And with everything we love sometimes its going to be hard, but I want to stubbornly love fundraising with all the stubborness in my soul , which, if you know me, is quite a bit of stubbornness. And I’m challenging myself to rebel from the discourgement and awkwardness of asking for money and hating  the pride that makes me squint and shift from one foot to the other as i attempt to say thank you.  Because gonna be real honest here , I have the HARDEST time accepting any type of help in any way, shape or form, love is hard to accept. But its exhausting to resist. Stay tuned as I unite with Christ to adore fundraising and stop saying “no I’m fine, ” when someome asks about my basic needs. Because sometimes I cant afford peanut m&ms, but my roommate can, and likes to bless me and grab me by the shoulders and shout “let me love you deb!!” And its okay to let people love me.