Before training camp…I thought that God did not speak to His children. I thought spiritual gifts were things of the past. I wouldn’t say that I was closed minded to God’s voice or the spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit…I would say that I had my blinders on–meaning I only saw what I wanted to and I kind of over looked passages in the Bible that would make me start questioning.
During training camp…my world was turned completely upside down. I was challenged in a way that I had never been challenged before. I was holding on to my past (abuse, broken relationships, mistakes, failures) because I thought without it I could not function. I thought that I had to be broken for God to love me so that He had something to fix. I thought God would love me less if I let my hardships go because then there would be nothing for Him to help me with…well, that clearly could not have been farther away from the truth. I learned that by holding on to my past…my soul ties…it was actually hindering my relationship with God from growing to its full potential. I learned that unless I let things go and forgave I would just be running on a tredmill my whole life. I learned why I was always so frustrated with my relationship with God–because I was constantly feeling like a failure, like I could not live up to the promises that God had made to me. When I let go of my mistakes, failures and broken relationships, and I forgave my abuser, I realized that my relationship with God would be changed forever…and so far it has been.
After training camp…my life has been completely restored. God took it all away…all the pain, all the hurt, all the shame that I felt from holding onto my past. God spoke life into me…God made His extravagant love known to me…God brought joy back into my life when I did not think it was possible. God made me see that I did not have to be broken for Him to love me and that all the fear I had in my heart about not forgiving is gone because of His love. Training camp made me realize that God still speaks to us and through us today. The Holy Spirit is supernatual and alive in me and He is doing work in my life now to prepare my heart for this journey. I have been forgiven by the blood of Christ which I have always known…but at training camp I learned how to forgive as Jesus forgave me. I cannot wait to see how God is going to speak not only to me but to my team and my squad. I cannot wait to see how the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit heals the sick and raises the dead. I cannot wait to share my story…and let people know there is a better alternative to the darkness.
Before training camp I had my blinders on and unforgiveness in my heart. During training camp I was beautifully broken and soul ties were cut. After training camp I was restored to the woman that God created me to be, I took the blinders off and I see clearly for the first time…and I am here and I am ready to follow God’s will for my life.
Jeremiah 29:11-14
