Let me first apologize for how long it has been since my last blog…again. I wish I had some great reason for why it has been so long but I don’t. If you have ever been south of the Mason-Dixon line then you’ve probably heard someone say that excuses are like bottoms, everybody has got one and they all stink (the world race translation for Christian bloggers)!
I’d like to fill you in on a secret of mine, I am a terrible blogger. I mean its bad I’m sure you’ve noticed. I know my momma has because every conversation we have is finished with the phrase “Please write more!” And in recent weeks that southern hospitality that runs deep through her veins seems to have fled whilst talking about this topic. More recently these conversations have ended with the less subtle “Write more!!” Well for the umpteenth time in my life she was right, I need to blog more.
So here is the truth about the lack of blogs. Its not because I’m too busy, the lack of internet, or even because I don’t have anything to write or tell about… It is especially not because God hasn’t been teaching me incredible things over the last five months.
I’m scared of writing blogs! The thought of having to explain in words what God has been doing over the last 5 months in my life is utterly terrifying. How could I possibly begin to put into words the changes I have experienced in a way that truly shows the Glory of God? Add in the fact that I failed English 102 in college several times, where my grades made it very clear the level my writing abilities were. I started putting all of these things in a giant mixing bowl and instead making cookies filled with love, they were filled with lies. (Lies like who would ever want to read what you have to say? You can’t possibly explain what God is teaching you! You are not a good enough writer. Your writings are a reflection of your heart, what if people don’t like what they read.) As more time moved on the more I bought into these lies.
This month I felt like God has been calling to be bolder in sharing the things that I have written. So whether or not I have the abilities to write an award winning blog or one that only gets a sympathy read from family and friends is irrelevant. I have learned in the past few years that I really enjoy writing about my relationship with God. After all He the most important thing in my life, so why would I let my insecurities try to hide that? God has done so much for me during this trip and who am I to decide if God can use my blogs for more than the occasional update to whoever is reading them. I can’t promise that I’m going to start blogging all the time from this point forward but I am going to try to do more than what I have done, which shouldn’t be hard to beat… haha
So in the season of being bold in my insecurities I’ll end with this.
Lost and broken I lay before the King
A humble servant called from the grave
Reborn for the purpose of The One who Is and Was, and Yet to Come
Prepared for the eternal battle of an unfathomable Kingdom
My heart lay trembling with the fear of failure in my chest
Consoled by the Father who has never known defeat
He has given me the strength in my soul
So that I may set fire to the lies of our enemy
Bringing light to even the darkest of lands
Entrusted with the rise of a generation
Set apart by God’s irrevocable love
