My brother reminded me of a great lesson I learned on the race. Proverbs 28:13. Not that I should go around announcing every sin I’ve ever or will do but that when I get into the habit of hiding my sins thats when It’s time to let some Light shine in and that usually means letting out the things I struggle with. so here we go. I struggle with lust. I struggle with pride. My defeat in these 2 areas have led to insecurities in my life that have paved the way for broken relationships between me and God and me and people.
You see way back in Uganda a dear friend of mine asked me to find out why I am so insecure. (Thanks Nate) so why am I so insecure? because although I am a new creation in Christ I’m still lugging around my mistakes of the past as if they would actually help me.
Let’s tackle pride first. So even though thinking that I am never good enough seems like it could be humility it is a false humility. Humility is never prideful or arrogant. It is modest and meek. It doesn’t care whether it is the greatest or the poorest but puts out its best and accepts it for what it is. I found myself the other day actually slightly offended that I was not invited to lead worship because they couldn’t plug in my guitar. I thought “well they have regular microphones, they could mic my guitar”. what? did I really think that? Christ’s death on the cross made my rights null and void. I am free in Christ but I am also a slave to righteousness. So my insecurities in Pride come from the fact that I am constantly looking to “perform”. even if I’m just worrying about the way I look in other people’s eyes it’s still a form of pride that in my own life needs to be cut out. So I am insecure in what others think of me.
The next is Lust. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve struggled with it but kept it under wraps until the race. This has twisted my perception of myself and who I am in my own eyes. This year as been the biggest fight I’ve ever given the enemy in this area thanks to 13 of the greatest guys I’ve ever known. But it’s still a fight. I’ve been turned around and lied to for so long that I doubt even what God says about me.
As you can see both of these have warped my perception of what God thinks of me. But not anymore. So this is what I’ve learned about myself. some of this is from my teammates, some from my own observations and soe from God Himself.
I AM humble
I am a priest and a king, a person for His own possession
I am destined for greatness
Every king has an army that backs him…I am that army (Holy spirit-fueled)
I lead from behind, by example
I hear God
I have felt the love of God for all nations
He speaks to me in visions
I am a worship leader
As a worship leader I tag-team with the Holy Spirit to bring people into the presence of God
I am an ENEMY of the devil
