When I was a kid, my mom would try to bring me up onto her lap to read to me but no matter how hard she tried, I would break free and run around the house screaming and giggling. I would run and play until I literally just crashed wherever I was at and fell asleep. She’d pick me up and put me to bed. As a kid, I was something of a mix between Mowgli from the Jungle Book, Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, Curious George, and Tom Sawyer. So, pretty much nothing has changed. When she used to work at a crafts store in the mall named “Things Remembered”, I wasn’t allowed in and they called me Taz because I’d spin around like the Tazmanian Devil and knock fancy things off the shelves. I’d also do things like dive head first off of our front porch into the cement walkway 4 steps down, pick myself up, rub the goose egg that started to appear on my head, and run off. No lie. Probably explains a lot. I would bike and run and disappear all day long having adventures and playing with other kids. I was certainly a handful, but she loved it.
I remember in Middle School being asked to write about our hero. Some people wrote about Michael Jordan or Ken Griffey Jr. or Batman or whoever else, but I wrote about my mom. I don’t remember most of it, but I know it said “I love my mom because she’s tough as a tank”. My mom was tough. She worked 3 jobs at a time to keep food on the table for most of the time I was in High School and still after. She’s been a waitress, a cook, a restaurant manager, an armored car driver, a police officer, and heaven only knows what else. She has always worked harder than anyone I have ever known and always manages to get stepped on and left at the bottom of the pile, but it never bothered her. I learned more about God’s grace and love through her actions in life than I ever learned from the Bible or church or prayer or anything else. I remember her lending large sums of money and food to friends in need when she was already neck-deep in debt herself. And when she never got the money returned, she told me “I never gave it expecting to get it back. The Bible tells us to give without expecting anything in return”. I was a little stunned. It was a concept that was just so far beyond normal thought and so deeply rooted in love and faith that I admired her so much for it.
My mom would give the shirt off her back to a complete stranger anywhere, anytime, and never even give it a second thought. It’s her nature. It’s just a part of who she is. And if I were to ask her where she was going to get another, I already know her response would be “God will provide for those who love and follow him.” My mom is one of those people that leads with her whole heart and never lets an obstacle stand in her way. I cannot even begin to count the number of times she has driven cross-country to see me or to spend a holiday with us. During middle school and high school, she was at every single wrestling match and tournament; sometimes embarrassing the crap out of me because she was yelling tips to me from the back row of the bleachers at the top of her lungs. Hahaha. She was always proud and it always showed. Well… proud when she should be proud; she was certainly disappointed in me plenty of times. She was disappointed because my brother and I would get suspended from school, get caught drinking, partying, receiving poor grades or a loooong list of other things. I can’t believe she didn’t pull every single hair out of her head between the two of us. As I was getting ready to finish high school and join the Marines, we were hitting an all-time record for craziness. I came home late one night after partying too much and wrecked my car into the side steps of the house; she chased me down the street as I drove away with one flat tire and when she finally caught up with me a block away, the first word out of her mouth wasn’t anger, it was “Are you ok?!?!”… Anger and punishment followed, but it was not her first reaction. Another time she had to come and pick me up from a very nice police officer who saw Marines stickers all over my truck and knew that he would be ruining my only way out of Akron if he gave me the DUI I probably deserved after running up over the sidewalk, taking out a mailbox, and hitting a tree. I wish that police officer could see what I’ve been able to do with my life since as a result of his decision. Had I stayed in Akron, I probably would be dead or in jail. My brother was getting into just as much trouble, sometimes “borrowing” cars and sometimes being brought home by police for any number of incidents. She had a right to be disappointed in us and she was; but only because she knew we could do so much better. In hindsight, she loved us entirely too much and we took advantage of it. We’re both lucky we didn’t end up in jail.
Still, she went out of her way every single day to take care of us, guide us, and love us. I have never seen a love in my entire life like that which my mother has for us. It’s different. It’s absolutely impossible to define but if you ever met her, you would know in an instant what I’m talking about. She used to bake for 3-4 days non-stop while working 3 jobs just so all 3 of us (sister, brother, and I) could take a full plate of Christmas cookies to each of our teachers. All of my friends would just happen to stop by during that time as well to say hello and to get a plate or two of cookies to take home. She didn’t even have the money for the flour or sugar. She was so far behind on bills that it was silly. Part of me wanted her to be more practical and just skip making cookies and doing nice things for everyone for a year or two until she got caught up; but she never did. I’m starting to learn on this Race that God speaks to my heart in a loud and clear voice, guiding me without fear of failure or questions. I know where I get that from. If there is anyone on this entire earth who hears the voice of God in their heart and follows it without question in order to help and serve others, it’s my mom. Fearless. So incredibly confident that God is looking out for her, loves her, and will always provide. There are some things that can’t be taught in school or by friends or anywhere else. I’m thankful to have learned how to love from my mom.
She is the most ambitious, driven, amazing woman on this planet. Her life hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been a rollercoaster non-stop. But, she handles it with beauty and grace beyond my comprehension. I’ve heard the saying before that “God will never give us more than we can handle” well, God must think my mom can handle anything. Of course, he’s right. She has been though divorce, bankruptcy, losing her house, watching her children stumble and fall and separate themselves from the God she loves with all her heart, and a constant battle to keep her job while continuing her education and working 60+ hours a week for less than a quarter of what she deserves to be paid. Half the time, I don’t even know how she still pulls herself out of bed in the mornings. She has never once quit giving her all, she has never given up on her dreams, she has never given up on us, and she has never given up on God. The trials and tribulations of her life have been momentous but the faithfulness and determination that she has shown in dealing with them still continue to amaze me. Anytime that I ever think about giving up or quitting, I think of my mom. She has done all of it and more and kept a smile on her face the entire time.
MOM, I will never understand or comprehend how you do it. I will never be able to conceive how you love so well and so endlessly. I remember as a child all the times you’d pull me up on your lap and sing to me and ask me if I had any idea how much you love me; “more than all the strands of hair on your head and more than all the grains of sand on the beach and you still wouldn’t understand even the beginning of how much I love you”. It’s true and it shows. You have supported my every decision with love and confidence. I don’t know how you survived the deployments while I was gone, watching the news stories of Najaf and Fallujah and the car bombings in Baghdad and wondering if that was me. I don’t know how you still managed to answer the phone without a trace of fear in your voice when we spoke. I don’t know how much it hurt you to see me struggle and fight against myself when I returned home. But you were always there for me and I learned to see the love of God through you. The strength of your faith has allowed mine to grow. It hasn’t been a smooth path, but it’s been a path full of love and sacrifice. Even now, as I travel to all of these countries and play with kids and serve, it is the love that you showed me and cultivated inside me that I am bringing to the nations. Many of these kids are orphans and have never known the love of their parents. I promise you that because of you, I am able to bring that to them and I will do it every single day just as you did for us. I hope that the coming years provide you with a whole lot more joy and pride and a whole lot less heartache and pain. The toughest steel is forged in the hottest furnaces. We may not have always made the best decisions, but we sure learned a lot and we came to understand what infinite love without limits looks like. You have given me all of the skills and attributes to be a wonderful loving husband and an amazing father… don’t get your hopes up, I still have no idea when that will come… but when it does happen, my kids will get to bounce on the knee of the greatest grandmother ever to live and they will be raised with the respect, love, and faith that you raised us with.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MOM! I LOVE YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH!!!
