To write down my heart seems impossible
because I’m not really sure what to do right now. This morning my
team and I got real with each other. I lead worship for a few songs,
and I felt the Spirit like I only have a few times in my life, all of
which were recently. I was incredibly scared entering the room for
that worship time because we had been prayed over the night before
and were told to expect God to show up and move this morning, and He
did. So many fears were dropped when we entered His presence, which
sounds like church talk, but I was there.
The previous day we had a “Man Day”
with just Noe, Vinny, and I where we got real with each other and
discussed what some of our issues are and what we want freedom from.
I personally have dealt with insecurity for as long as I can
remember. As a child I was teased a lot, and I know I’ve carried that
in some way all my life. On the outside I may seem outgoing at times,
but it’s a front. I have never really faced this issue. I may have
recognized it, but never truly sat down and asked Christ what I
should do and for help. I did today.
After leading worship for a couple of
songs, drawing close to the Father and letting my guard down, He
spoke to me. Noe took over on the guitar so I could focus on
listening to God, and I heard Him and I wrote down what He said. What
he said really surprised me and brought me to my knees, literally.
I’m not sure if I want to share, but I believe His words may speak to
someone else too. This is what I wrote:
[You’ve been a still silent believer.
Now I want you to be a mighty warrior. Forget what lies others have
told you and listen to My voice. You are no longer weak. Stop
worrying how the world sees you and see how I see you. Be patient.
Humble yourself. Take confidence in Me. You are more than enough. I
am pleased with you. Find yourself in Me.]
He spoke more to me, but I believe He
wants that just for me. I have been given confidence in Christ, and I
must fight every day against the lies. This truly is a battle, and I
must find my strength in God because I’ve tried too long on my own
and I’ve never succeeded. Please pray for me as Christ molds my heart
and grows my confidence. I feel very weak and yet very strong, I
can’t explain it. I feel there is more He wants to share with me. So
please pray I would hear and know Him.
