My last week of ministry in Ecuador was wonderful. All month I had been asking the Lord to reveal what he wanted me to get from Ecuador. It was not until the week prior to leaving that God revealed the women of the squad was the reason I was there. I was not sure what he wanted me to receive from it or what he wanted me to give. As I was going to the ministry site with my team one morning, my team leader asked me if I had one on ones with anyone from the squad. I recall telling him I did but there was a certain lady that God had put in my heart since training camp back in October. As much as I was trying to be intentional with her, something would come up or she just seemed like she did not want to talk. I knew Satan was trying to put walls between us for one reason or another. I remember telling my leader how I was going to continue pressing on and not let the enemy take the victory. Which I will gladly say he did not because we are now closer than before. Have not had one on one yet but it will happen. She is a very sweet and strong woman and I know she will be victorious. I will be by her side whenever she needs me.

This same day is when God kept tugging on my heart about the women of the squad and how he wanted me to do something. I felt like the passion for him was not completely there. I did not understand what the Lord wanted me to do, but all I knew is that I had to be obedient. Later that day I mentioned to the squad leaders how I thought there should be a lady’s day before the all squad month ended. Funny how the Lord works because the same day the squad leaders met with team leaders and told them to talk to their team and see if they felt led to share anything with the squad before leaving Ecuador. I signed up even if I did not know what I would do. I can honestly say it has been the Lord working because I ended up talking in front of all the women in the squad. I had asked the Lord for BOLDNESS and he sure gave it to me.

The weekend prior I had stayed back from adventure day. I had been feeling torn because it had been discussed about going out. Now I understand that the Lord wanted me to stay and spend time with him. I understood that on days off ministry, it is ok to spend time talking to God and just relax. That is exactly what I did. During this time with the Lord he showed me how we are God’s children so that makes our Identity. We are the person he hangs around with. We are clean and forgiven and that is our identity. God made us to his image and we do not need to do anything to impress him or earn his love.  All he wants from us is to serve him. He wants us to surrender to him. “Stop beating self for past!!! When he died for you he bought you and your problem”. God also showed me more in depth how we need to be Christ like. Doing what he wants us to do and being humble.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

2 Peter 1:3-11 ³ His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴ Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.¹⁰ Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, ¹¹ and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 1 Peter 5:6-7 ⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 This I knew and had read before but it all made sense in a total different sense. I was excited that specific weekend just because I could spend 2 days just God and I. My mind and soul felt completely restful. I had the opportunity to be more intimate with God. At the time of reading these scriptures and about 8 pages of notes I had no idea as to what God was trying to tell me with this. I already knew my identity was him and the other part I was a bit confused as to why I was reading these things. It was not until the following weekend that I understood why God had showed me this. Situations in the squad and the lack of passion was why he had been tugging on my heart and he wanted me to share so I thought. I had already signed up to speak in front of the women and I felt like I could not back out now. All I knew at the time was that I did not want to share what God had shown me. It was tough love and for someone who does not speak up in front a group would be so hard. I did not want anyone to feel as I was attacking them and all I wanted them to hear was God’s heart.

The day of speaking got close and those days the enemy really attacked my health and spirit. But as I had previously mentioned in the blog before I was not going to let him have the victory. I pushed through until the day to talk came about. It was the day of and I was the first person to go up. I am not going to lie. I was nervous when I woke up and told God that whatever he wanted me to share with the squad girls I would even if it was so hard for me. I got up to talk and guess what, God changed the complete talk. I ended up sharing the beautiful “Story Teller song by Morgan Harper” and my testimony. I can honestly say it was God because I really do not remember what I said. I could not believe I had gotten up to talk to about 40+ women and felt so peaceful. All I know was God wanted me to pour out my heart to them and be vulnerable even if I was not comfortable. Later in the day I asked God why he did not want me to share what he had previously showed me a week prior. That morning as I was trying to review my notes I could not find what I had written nor did I remember where in the bible I had found the information. God had it all planned. All he wanted me to share with the ladies is that GOD IS LOVE, He is their IDENTITY and they are all WORTH it. I don’t know who all the testimony touched but it is not my job to know. God is in control and he is who changes people. He is the one at work here and he deserves the Glory. I am just an instrument of him and his co-helper. God knew I was going to be obedient to what he wanted me to say and did not allow it because it was not the time.

God is so good. He will push us to see how far we go but does not let us drown. Trust in him and know he is always there. Be obedient to him and let him take control. He will never fail you and will take you to higher places. Do not doubt who you are because you are his child and he wants the best for you. I will end by saying that I love my squad dearly and love how we can all unite as one. Ecuador was a time of more confirmations and more answers. BOLDNESS, AUTHORITY, LOVE, UNITY, WORTH. I thank God for all the blessings so far even out of my comfort zone.