So, I graduated from TCU 13 months ago. I loved school. Still do, in fact. Being a student was my thing. Every single person on the squad knows my big love for TCU and every teammate I’ve had knows that I’m a nerd. However, since graduation I’ve realized that more than academia, I simply enjoy learning.
I learned lot of facts in college,
but I’ve learned a lot of truths in traveling.
Learning facts and truths looks really dang different.
Facts cling to the head while truths dwell and swell in the heart.
Facts change the mind while truths change the outpour of your life.
Both are valuable.
The mind and the soul and the heart are completely different playing grounds.
I’ve found that you can know something in your head but not know it in your heart.
All these truths that have changed the way I live? I knew them each in my head before. Without a doubt. This year I’ve picked up on a strange reality about that sacred space between the head and the heart. Gravity fails in those 18 damn inches. They say it’s the longest journey a man can make. Things that should sink down easily from head knowledge to heart reality just don’t. Lies get in the way. So do insecurities. So do cultural norms and social acceptability. The space between the head and the heart is the battlefield of spiritual warfare.
Fair warning. I’m going to get introspective and border-line cheesy, because that’s just about the only way it can happen. I believe the abundant life is lived when the head and heart come together with a big yes making the harmony to the melody of who you were created to be.
I’ve learned an actual ton these past 11 months.
I’ve learned the hard and fun way.
I’ve learned the adventurous and long way.
Things that have clung to my mind for lots of years have taken that journey through the battlegrounds from the head to my heart. Because those truths have taken root, my life looks different now than when I left last July. Subtly different, but different nonetheless.
So what have I learned? What has changed the way I live and see? What truths have sunk from the head to the heart? Here’s the Spark Notes version to all the things that have taken that journey through those 18 damn inches.
I: He wants it all.
God wants actually every part of my life. Sounds simple… but almost stinking impossible to wrap my life around this little fact. It is said and shown in the Bible plenty of times… to gain your life you must lose it, sell everything you own, take up your cross, etc. I’ve been a Christian for a long time; I’ve heard it a ton. I knew it all along.
It wasn’t until I let the Lord run a fine-tooth comb through my life that I could hear this and understand the gravity of it. He plucked each aspect of being from my wimpy grasp and placed it in His strong, steady, loving hold. My relationships, identity, body, preconceived notions about Him, my strengths, weaknesses, passions, expectations, history and future all. All of the things.
This process wasn’t and still isn’t pleasant. Surrender is dang hard. Especially if you’re like me and tend to think you’ve got the best way. Surrender is also joyful. See truth 7. The truth I now know is that all is safer and sanctified in His hands. I don’t want a God that picks and chooses what He wants of me, so I’m not going to not pick and choose what I give to Him. He wants the whole. Shalom.
II: Put on love.
Cultures, languages, literature, statistics or photos don’t change people. Not really. People are changed by relationships. In his book, Theirs is the Kingdom, R. D. Lupton says it better than I ever could. I quote this all the dang time:
The fundamental building blocks of the kingdom are relationships. Not programs, systems, or productivity. But inconvenient, time-consuming, intrusive relationships. The kingdom is built on personal involvements that disrupt schedules and drain energy. When I enter into redemptive relationships with others, I lose much of my capacity to produce desired results with a minimum expenditure of energy, time, money, or materials. In short, relationships sabotage my efficiency. A part of me dies. Is this perhaps what our Lord meant when He said we must lay down our lives for each other?
Doesn’t matter if you’re Texan or Thai — relationships run on love. Love is actively thinking about and serving one another. It’s a choice. Love is jam-packed.
To build the Kingdom well, which is the mission, love has to be chosen over and over again. It’s not natural, that’s why choosing is important. Put on love, which binds it all together.
Love builds relationships. Love leaks Jesus. Jesus always wins. So, love never fails. Tight.
III: Pray about actually everything.
Anything less or other than prayer fails to deal with either the ultimacy of the desires or the complexity of the difficulties. Prayer with and for persons centers the desire in God and puts the difficulties in perspective under God. Prayer is thus the language, par excellence, of the covenant.
Eugene Peterson
Prayer is a lot easier than people make it out to be. It’s just natural. Talking to God. The language of the covenant. In prayer I bring things to God so He can saturate my circumstances with His light. That way, I see more clearly. He cares about everything. Isn’t that neat?
Praying all the time is easy when I simply direct my thoughts to God. Prayer is me saying, hey God, here’s what’s up. I know You already know, but I’m putting this in Your hands because Your way is way better. So, help me see it more like You do. Thanks, go frogs, amen.
I learned this year that I can pray about the littlest things and God’ll bless it. My favorite story about this happening is when I was sending a package to a pal from India to Malaysia. Logistically, I wasn’t sure if I should use the postal system, Fed Ex or DHL. I asked our ministry contact which she recommended and she was like, “Hm, I don’t know. I’ve never sent anything here. You should pray about it.”
In my mind I was like why would I pray about something like sending parcels when I can pray about healing cancer? I don’t imagine God caring as much about the former as He does the latter. Regardless, I did. I prayed for the package. I felt peace about using DHL. So I did.
When I went to send it, DHL gave me free international shipping because the delivery address was at a school. Seriously?! Just because I’m sending it to a school? Awesome. Thanks, Jesus. You’re the man. Or… Son of man… something like that. What I thought was an empty decision to make logically, He turned into a blessing just because I brought it to Him.
IV: We’re in a war, man.
– quote, Mushu in the critically acclaimed film Mulan.
This year, it has become clear that following Jesus is a fight. No matter where the travels take me, as Christians we’re on the same team and we have the same opponent. Seen it in crazy ways this year. Because we have an enemy, I’ve gotta be prepared in and out of season according to 2 Timothy 4:2.
The enemy wants to mess up my mission. He doesn’t want me to seek truth or let it sink from my head to my heart. He hates my gospel-centered relationships. He hates when I’m healthy enough to serve the Lord. He hates when I’m glad God created me to be me. Dancing makes him vomit. Giving repulses him. He turns up his nose at righteous sacrifice.
He loves my doubting. He plants lies in my mind. He loves impatience, especially in the grand scheme. He sets up camp where there is no peace. He adores my skepticism. My judgements give him butterflies. When I don’t put thought into action, he fist pumps. When I can’t control myself, he wins.
If I’m standing still and not posing threat, I won’t face much opposition. I think I did this a lot in college. I “loved Jesus” and served Him safely. But taking risks for the Kingdom? Not really on my radar. Putting on armor and fighting? No, thanks… I’ll just support the troops.
But oh, how that has changed for the beautiful! Because I know in my heart the actuality of the battle, my stance has changed. I’m not only ready to fight, but actively push back enemy territory. The absolute highlights of my year have been when I’m on the frontline. Attacks come because we’re gaining ground. It’s hard, but I’m all about it. I don’t want to live like I don’t have an enemy… or a Commander, for that fact.
The fight has been beautiful and the victory has been glorious.
V: Root for the Home Team.
I read a few Shauna Niequist books in Honduras. In her writing she talks about the Home Team. The Home Team is the group of people that love you no matter what. They know, and they love. The people I’m not afraid to ask for help. The people that get the brunt of Darcie. My home team is written on the back page of every journal I start. When I’m doubting what or who’s in front of me, I can read the list of their names or look at the photos I keep with me and know where I stand with them. The unspoken deal is they don’t give up on me and I don’t give up on them.
After approximately 46 seconds of my leaving home, I know the novelty of me traveling faded for most people. They liked the instagram of me holding a passport, boarding my first plane to Guatemala and then that’s about where their moral support ended. Sure, there were encouraging messages sprinkled in here and there at the beginning… but 6 months in when I was hungry for the friendships that used to nourish me, most of them were just too caught up in the US of A. Which, don’t get me wrong, I totally understand. I’m great at forgetting about others’ needs and pursuing only when it’s convenient for me. Really great at it. I would totally do the same thing.
My Home Team had my back, though. I geeeenuinely thank God for how He has used them to love me this year. The roster is perfect. He’s used some people I totally expected and some I never would have. I am so dang thankful for each person who used consistency in loving me. My girls that keep me up-to-date, my guys that send me scripture, my family that simply loves to hear my voice. It’s just plain wholesome.
Something I didn’t really expect (because of distance and minimal world wide web) is that He also used me to love on them. I had to pursue friendships more than usual. Through prayer, God has really laid people on my heart to let them know I’m on their team. Writing letters, Skype dates, remembering milestones, random encouragement… it’s all part of the unwritten Home Team honor code.
I’m crazy thankful for the relationships that have grown stronger and sweeter this year against all reason and against all time zones. I gots mad love for my roster.
VI: Humility is better.
This one is pretty simple. I had a different mentality than the aforementioned truth coming on the race: Wellllllll I’m just usually right. It’s true. A scientific fact. I’m just usually right.
That mindset is full of just a bunch of pride. Well, not just pride – stubborn pride – which is definitely more attractive than the regular kind.
Truth: It’s ok to be wrong. It’s even more ok to be ready to be wrong. I’ve been wrong a lot this year… and probably the 22 that came before it. Acknowledging that my way is not best makes relationships more joyful and learning way sweeter.
Ah, and here’s a helpful hint if you ever want to learn humility: get put in a leadership position. It’ll shape ya right up.
VII: Sacrifice is healthy.
Sacrifice isn’t really sexy in America. It’s not something that our culture is like, yeah, we should do a lot of that! Two big ways I’ve learned the health of sacrifice: living in community and fasting.
Living in community… it’s just… such a journey. I can’t tell you how many times a day I was faced with the choice of sacrificing something. Comfort, money, food, TIME, attention, preference, expectation… I like each one of those things. A lot. Months ago, I didn’t want to give them up usually even for people I liked. You want a spoon of my peanut butter? Oh… I… um… well….
Then love waltzes into the picture. I learned that sometimes I had to love someone until I like them. This means serving and sacrificing by choice until I’m serving and sacrificing naturally. The fun thing is: it works. Sacrificing in this way breeds love. Refer to Truth #2 if you forgot about why I like love.
Another thing. Fasting!!! One of my favorite things on the race. I have found so much joy in fasting this year. At first I thought fasting was weird. Not eating for a day? Um, sounds like zero fun to me. Once I learned that fasting is purposeful and can be unique, I started to dabble in it.
I have found so much freedom in fasting. When I fast, I find something that I hold in high regard and sacrifice it to tell the Lord through my actions that He is more fulfilling. Meals? Yes. Internet? Yes. Feeding certain relationships? Yes. Reading? Yes. I allocate the time and attention that I pour into these lesser joys and pour them into prayer. I ask God for things, listen to what He’s up to, and consequently fall more in love with Him. Whether that’s eating only bread for a week, not using internet for a month, or just choosing to forgo food for the day, I’ve found that fasting changes the way I see.
William Chapman nailed it when he said, “We need so much less than we think, and think so much more than we need.” Fasting does that for me. Makes it really obvious that I think too much and really don’t need that much. Sacrifice puts worthy things and dumb things in perspective. Big fan.
VIII: Grace sucks sometimes…
…but wins all the times. The economics of grace do not make sense. I read a book called Gracenomics in Zambia it takes up way more pages than necessary to say grace makes zero sense, but receive it and give it and be dang thankful for it.
I love the thought of justice. I’m all up into checks and balances. I love justice when I do something right. I love justice when someone does me wrong. We should all get what we deserve. And then Jesus comes and messes my whole system up. Grace.
When I got asked to lead a team, I got 2 gifts. Both gifts were buckets. One was a bucket of grace that got dumped on me. Like a football coach after a big game. The other was a bucket of grace that I was supposed to dump on others. The more I poured my grace bucket out, the more aware I was of the grace that was poured on me. A real good thing to be aware of.
Honestly sometimes giving grace pisses me right off. Then. I realize the insane amounts I’m receiving… and it’s all ok. More than ok! It’s joyful. Grace, man. Grace.
IX: Perception is reality.
This one is weird. Mainly because it was drilled into my brain in my sophomore-year Intro to Public Relations class. Thanks to the seeds Dr. Lambiase planted 4 years ago, this truth has taken root and sprouted recently.
This is something that rung true when I got a grasp on the importance of this sweet combination: truth and humility.
So there’s something I believed about myself at the beginning of our travels. Without getting specific, it wasn’t healthy for me to believe. It controlled a lot of thoughts I’d have and actions I’d take. My soul/teammate, Sara, talked to me about the actuality of my situation. She spoke the truth and reality about what I believed when I couldn’t see it for myself.
We got to a point in our conversation where I was like Sara, I understand what you’re saying, I just don’t believe it. And she said, yeah, but even though it’s not true, it’s your reality and that’s important. And then my brain exploded. Made a mess. It changed the game for me. Even if it’s not true, it’s someone‘s reality, and that’s why it matters.
For me, it takes humility to admit that I don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s reality. A lot of times, what I perceive isn’t their truth or even the truth. I’ve got to be in tune with the moments when I need to drop my perceptions and adapt to someone’s reality.
Shoutout to my pal Tyler for trucking through processing this with me. It’s cool when God teaches you and a friend the same thing at the same time on different continents and then months later you can revel in it. Perception is important.
X: You can always learn.
Fun facts: Never really been a great reader. I can give decent back rubs. I tend to suck at follow through. I usually text back at a glacial pace. I had a tendency of putting off hard conversations until they were even more painful to have.
I think I got caught in this mental rut where I believed that things are just always going to be the way they are. She’s athletic? Probably born that way. He’s a good communicator? Must be natural. They hear God well? It’s gotta be a gift.
In the past, I’ve seen qualities that I admired in others and thought they were unattainable.
Then. I learned that you can always learn.
So I started reading a ton. Fell in love with it and now I read pretty dang well. Started giving a ton of massages and now I’m squad-wide famous for my knot-melting thumbs. I started learning how to follow through and it has made a huge difference in my relationships. I learned how to communicate more effectively by practicing. Simple as that.
I’ve wanted to play ukulele for thousands of days. Thought it was one of those things I couldn’t learn. One of my teammates started to teach me in month 7. Then I practiced and learned and practiced and learned and for the next 3 months I led worship. Crazy fun stuff.
Long story short: want something? Learn it.
XI: Exhale and inhale only Truth.
Because anything else is a waste of time.
Because the Kingdom runs on Truth.
Even when it is uncomfortable, seek and receive Truth.
XII: I’ll never stop traveling.
I’ve got 3 pages unstamped in my passport and I fully intend on maxing it out.
I think traveling is super healthy. I started continent hopping at age 16. Whether it’s traveling for kicks, education or mission it’s just my favorite thing. It forces me to look outside and into myself at the same time. Some of the sweetest truths have taken root while en route.
There’s never going to be a point when I’m like all right! I’ve had just about all the travel I can handle. Now let’s watch Netflix. No. Get me back to the Sahara. I haven’t even touched South America yet. Vietnam will never stop calling me back there. What the heck is going on in Eastern Europe? Then there’s China. Gahhh, China. Basically, I think I’ll always have an itch for the globe and motivation to scratch.
XIII: God speaks.
“And if God is speaking, then nothing else matters but listening.”
-Michael Card
Whelp. There it is. Truths I learned that I’ll have to keep fighting the good fight for, rhythms I don’t want to stop moving to. It was a sweet, long journey, and I’ve got pleeeeenty of learning to come. Cheers.
