Only 2 weeks into
Swaziland and this has been filled with so much emotion and tiredness. This year – I have been the one on my
team who has kept up with all of the days and times of our trip … meaning that
today, the 19th of August is day 229 on the Race … we have been gone
for 32 weeks and we have roughly 14 weeks or 97 days left on the Race. It has been really fun for me to keep
up with this and I like when significant things happen on certain numbered days
– nerdy I suppose, but really fun!
Speaking of which – I cannot believe that I left for this trip 229 DAYS AGO – that is crazy!
The problem with this
knowledge is that it is hard to not know how much time is left on the Race –
which is comforting and something we dread a little bit too – knowing that
there is only 14 weeks left on the
Race! That is even crazier than
the first number. I think – in 14
weeks, my life is going to be the same again – having the same comforts of home
and family and friends … but never the same again, because I am not the same
person I was when I left on January 3!
This month has been difficult – with all the sadness we have faced and
the hopelessness that is felt here … we have had a hard time not thinking about
moving on. There is a spirit of
fear here that is really heavy and we have all felt it (on Teams Spectacle
& Indelible) – almost every girl has had a hard time going to sleep at
night. I particularly have had a
really hard time going to sleep at night because the fear you feel is almost
paralyzing … as my heart begins to race and I start sweating – I just declare
the promises that God has given me in His word and hope that soon enough, I
will be okay to fall asleep. This
fear is something I have dealt with most of my life (it started when I was a
child and saw a little bit of the movie “The Exorcist” and I was introduced to
the power of demonic forces)! I
remember being a little girl and having to sleep with Randi (my sister) and her
literally wrap her arms around me as I shook in fear for a long time.
I don’t know if it is
because we have 14 weeks left on the Race, or if it is for some other reason –
but almost all of us (and even in the same night) have been dreaming of
home. We have had dreams of
being at the airport and seeing our families and then we get excited to think
about what awaits us at home. And
not just even home, but the timing of our coming home – knowing that coming
home means: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years – and all the warm feelings that
come with those holidays … and all of our Favorite FOOD & favorite
Christmas movies that come on TV … all of it sounds so appealing! So, I was praying about this the other
day and confessing my feelings on all of this – asking the Lord to help me stay
focused on what He wants me to do and feel HERE and for the rest of the trip
and I came across this passage.
Hebrews 6:10-12 “For
God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown
toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints and are still
ministering. And we desire that
each of your show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the
end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and
patience inherit the promise.”
So – here I am, with
only 8 days left in Swaziland (almost finished with the continent of Africa)
and pray that God will break my heart for His people, that He will connect me
with the ones I am to love and feel loved by, that He would move in a powerful
way, that His Holy Spirit would come and break the bondage that the people here
are in … that in Jesus name – all fear would vanish from this place! And I think of Home – and I make a
choice everyday as to where my thoughts and heart is going to be … trying so
hard to not miss a single opportunity that God has put before me! God please forbid that I might miss
anything He wants to say or do because my thoughts are elsewhere!
· B By the way
– Maswane told me her favorite singer is Dolly Parton – what GREAT news! I look forward to getting to put up my
pictures / videos from this month and you getting to see her listen to some
Dolly from my iPod!
· l I love you
all and need and appreciate your prayers! J
