Raped…..Molested….
Every time I hear these words, they bring a sharp knife like pain through my heart. The thought of being taking advantage of, violated and disrespect, angers me.
I’ve been wanting to share a piece of my testimony with you, but I always hesitated. Every time I started to write, I will stop, but after a young girl, not even in her teen age, who we will call Angel, shared her secret with me, I was reminded of a conversation I had about sharing our testimony. I was reminded that sharing our testimony might be the seed that one needs to be planted in their heart to start healing, to get encourage, empowered, and to get closer to God.
When you read this piece of my testimony, don’t take petty on me, don’t be sorry or sad for me, but be happy for me for the Glory of the Lord Reigns, His faithful love and mercy endures forever (Psalm 107). His love and mercy protected me even when I regretted him. He healed my soul and gave me peace. I am not a victim of my pass, but a testimony of God’s merciful love and Victory in my life.
I was 10 years old. In Haiti. It happened shortly before I moved to New York City. One night, a family friend saw his opportunity, molested and violated my innocence. (I will leave out the detail of that night, because the details are not what matters.) I was confused, and did not fully understand what happened. I was filled with shame and thought no one will believe me, so I kept that night a secret. I kept my secret from family and friends for more than ten years. I was filled with so much hatred, sadness, anger, bitterness, and depression. That night left me with a scare in my heart that paralyzed me from loving others, and from allowing others to love me. I trusted no one. No one cared about me. I lived my life wearing a mask, a mask that covered all the sadness. I wanted others to think everything was fine with me. I cried myself to sleep countless night. I’ve inflated pain to myself and attempted suicide. I felt God loved everyone, but me. If He loved me, than why did he let this happen? He hated me, and I wanted nothing to do with him. I was a lost soul with a suffering heart.
I didn’t understand why no one saw the pain in my eyes, all they had to do was looked in my eyes, and my story will be revealed. I started living for myself. If God and others around me didn’t care than I will care for me. I turned to worldly things for happiness, but the happiness never lasted.
One Friday in 2009, I was invited to the young adult Transition Ministry at Brooklyn Tabernacle Church; I saw sincere and real joy and peace in their eyes as they worship and I wanted that same joy and peace. As I continue to attend church, my heart started to feel lighter, and God started to reveal to me all the time that He was there to protect me. HE WAS ALWAYS THERE. He was there that night and prevented worst from happening. I could have inflated those pains to myself; I could have drunk that cup of Clorox, but He was there to stop me.
Since I’ve accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, He has over flown my cup with the truth, with joy, peace, happiness, and with His unfailing love. I am favored and worthy of His love. AND YOU TOO ARE FAVORED AND WORTHY. If He can take a lost soul, a suffering heart, who wanted nothing to do with Him, and healed her, He can do the same for you! Just ask Him and He will provide.
To anyone who have been rape, molested, or violated, you are not a victim, YOU ARE VICTORIOUS, STRONG, WORTHY and LOVE BY THE MOST HIGH GOD. Don’t kept your pass a secret, don’t let the devil use your pass to control your life and prevent you from experiencing God’s everlasting unfailing love. Tell someone, start your healing, be vulnerable, because that vulnerability will give you great strength. You are Victorious!
With great love,
Daphnee
(Some reference verses: Psalm 107, Exodus 23:25, Deuteronomy 31: 6-8, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Isaiah 40:29)
