On Saturday November 9, 2013, I woke up with my heart completely overwhelmed with loneliness, sadness, defeat, shame, feeling unworthy and completely disconnected with the team, the world and God. The devil has been feeding me with many lies that were chainning me down. I walked around with a strong face and a big smile, but quickly dying inside. I prayed for God to take the pain away silently, but He didn’t.
I wanted to be alone and hide my pain. I didn’t want my team to see me in tears, fully naked and vulnerable.
That morning, I was hoping to have prayer time at night, so I can take the day to plan how to continue putting on a strong face.
Jessie, who was in charged of prayer that day, decided to have prayer right after breakfast. As I sat in our prayer circle, still fighting the pain and keeping a strong face, I thought I could go through prayer time without crying and breaking.
Jessie shared a song that she has been listening to that week. I closed my eyes, still fighting back tears and keeping a strong face, but slowly losing the fight. The moment I heard:
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord
Here’s my heart Lord
Speak what is true
Cause I am found, I am Yours
I am Loved, I’m made pure
I lave life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free
I became weak, and unable to hold back the tears. As the team prayed over me, the tears just wouldn’t stop; they kept coming and coming. For every drop of tears, my heart felt lighter and lighter.
That moment Jesus was taking away all the lies that kept me chained for weeks. He took my burdens, my loneliness, my sadness, defeat, and shame, and He spoke truths into me: I am found, I am Loved, I’m made pure, I lave life, I can breathe, I am healed, and I am FREE.
I had prayed for God to take away the pain in silence, but instead He gave me seven prayer warriors to help me heal, to cry with me, and pray for me.
To my seven prayer warriors that morning: Laura, Claire, Christina, Jessie, Kate, Raymond and Seth, words cannot express how thankful I am that you did not give up on me, but kept pushing me into more vulnerability. Thank you for crying with me, for praying with me and for me, and for speaking life and truth into me.
With Great Love,
Daphnee
