Looking forward to the World Race, there was only one ministry that intimidated me: Preaching. I could work in an orphanage. I could build houses. I could teach vacation bible school. But speaking in front of a crowd, proclaiming the Gospel? That scared me beyond words.
Growing up, I always tried to share the Gospel and God’s Love with my actions. Through a smile, or showing kindness to everyone I meet throughout the day. I lived with the goal to be the light of Christ, so that when I came to people’s minds they thought, “I see Jesus in Danielle.” However, if you asked anyone if they have ever heard me talk about the Bible, or speak distinctly about the Gospel, more likely than not people would shake their heads “no”. And to be honest, I think that is perfectly fine.
However, quickly on the World Race I was reminded that we are also told to “proclaim the Gospel to every creature” (Matthew 16:15). Again, this frightened me to death. And I secretly prayed that on my Race I wouldn’t have to preach.
Now, enter Malawi. We were partnered with a ministry whose main purpose was to evangelize and preach in the small surrounding villages. I was going to be faced with my biggest fear, and there was no way to avoid it.
On Monday, our first day of ministry, my team traveled around the village, from corner to corner, gathering groups together. Each one took turns preaching with the help of a translator (who always makes the words sound so much more dramatic), but when it came to be my turn I told my teammates I wasn’t ready. They were very understanding, knowing I wasn’t comfortable yet with this form of ministry, so they told me I could go the following day. Waking up on Tuesday I was incredibly nervous, still not knowing quite what I was going to say. I listened to worship music in the van ride to the village, asking the Lord to calm my nerves. I preached twice that day, but to be honest I couldn’t tell you what I said. My mind was blank but words came out of my mouth. All I remember is my teammates telling me I did a good job,and me thinking I didn’t quite know how I was going to do this for the next four weeks.
I was relieved when that day was over, and I got a break on Wednesday because the other half of my team was preaching. On Thursday, though, I woke up with this dread and anxiety. In the van I was on the verge of tears, begging God to allow me not to preach. My mind and my nerves couldn’t handle it that day. I was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, that I wasn’t knowledgable enough as a Christian to tell someone else about God and salvation. What if I said the wrong thing? Throughout my years in school I have become very good at “winging” things. Papers, projects, speeches (sorry, teachers). However, talking about the Gospel isn’t something you just wing. It is something I take so seriously. And I did not feel like I was qualified to share my knowledge.
In the morning I hid in the back of our group, hoping our leaders would not call me to preach. I honestly don’t know if I spoke three words in the first two hours. The anxiousness hadn’t ceased. At lunchtime we found a shady spot to eat, and still caught up in my mind I ate silently. When I finished I decided to take out my Bible to ease my nerves. This is when the Lord revealed Himself.
I was reading through Exodus at this time, so I opened up to where I left off, chapter 4. It is the part where God is commanding Moses to tell Pharaoh that the Israelites will leave Egypt. Moses, however, doubts his abilities to convince Pharaoh because he is not eloquent and is slow of speech and tongue. As I sit on a wooden bench, struggling with my own doubts of speech and tongue, I read what the Lord says in response to Moses, “Who gives one person speech? Who makes another mute of deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go, I will assist you in speaking and teach you what you are to say.” (Exodus 4:11-12)
I will assist you in speaking and teach you what you are to say. Wow. God may have been addressing Moses specifically in this passage, but He was speaking directly to me also. This isn’t about me and my knowledge. THE LORD is the one who speaks, not me. I am just a vehicle for His words. There is nothing to be nervous about, because He always provides.
The Lord didn’t call me to the World Race because I am a skilled preacher. I have many squamates who have this gift, but I know I am not one of them. However, He DOES promise to equip me with the skills, through Him, because He has called me to the World Race. I find my confidence in Him. I find my knowledge in Him. I find my words IN HIM. I can’t do this without Him.
After reading this scripture passage, and realizing I am not responsible for my words but the Lord will tell me what to say, I was overcome with peace. My anxiety was gone, and I was ready to take on the next month preaching throughout the villages.
Funnily enough, I never got the opportunity to preach after this moment. We finished for the day after lunch and then we had our off-day on Friday. On Saturday some things came to light about our ministry host and AIM thought it would be best for us to move, so we relocated that night. I don’t believe the actual ACT of preaching was the point, though. The Lord just wanted to remind me that He is always with me, and that I am never doing ministry on my own. He will ALWAYS equip me, because He called me to these eleven months of mission work. I have nothing to be fearful or anxious about. He always provides.
For more updates throughout the year and pictures of my adventures make sure to “like” my Facebook page, Around the World, With Love: Danielle’s World Race, and “follow” my Instagram account, @atw_withlove!
