Month 11. How is it possible that we are in the final month of our Race?
We’ve come a long way since this picture.
We’ve changed physically. (For example, I have one less internal organ than I started with)
Our packs are a little lighter. (Maybe…so many alpaca souvenirs)
Our hearts are fuller.
Our global perspective is bigger.
Our view of God is greater.
Our love for one another is deeper.
What do I say to the people who have walked with me through the most challenging, growing, fulfilling, life-changing year of my life?
How do I explain how much you all mean to me?
How do I stop the tears from coming when I think about leaving you?
How am I supposed to say goodbye?
For now, all I can say is “I love you” and “I’m thankful for you” and “I don’t want to leave you” and hope you understand the weight of my words.
We’ve seen a lot together, haven’t we? (Let’s be honest, we haven’t been alone for more than 4 seconds in 11 months, so we’ve seen EVERYTHING together).
We’ve stood together in awe of God’s creation – We’ve experienced snow-capped mountains and smog-filled valleys and deep oceans and remote jungles and busy cities and breathtaking sunsets.
We’ve experienced sickness and robberies and time changes and exhaustion and spiritual warfare. We’ve grieved death and hard news from home. We’ve seen poverty and corruption and brokenness and hopelessness in the faces of people all over the world. But how cool that the Lord gave us each other because He didn’t want us to experience the hard stuff alone?
We’ve sat around the table, we’ve laughed until we cried, we’ve had dance parties, we’ve scrambled to pull together ministry skits, we’ve eaten weird things, we’ve made questionable choices, we’ve worn each other’s clothes, and we’ve experienced all human bodily functions together. We’ve done a lot of packing-unpacking-loving-and-leaving together.
We’ve rallied around one another, we’ve prayed for one another, we’ve given the hard feedback to encourage one another to look more like Christ. We’ve celebrated each other’s victories, we’ve seen healing, we’ve seen freedom, we’ve seen revival. We know each other’s families, dreams, fears, and testimonies. We have hurt each other and forgiven one another. We’ve carried each other’s burdens, we’ve spoken out against lies from the enemy, and we’ve called out the spiritual gifts in one another.
You’ve seen me in my mess.
You’ve seen me as the Lord created me to be.
You’ve loved me at my most vulnerable.
And I’m so thankful.
Don’t forget what the Lord has done in and through this community.
And now we get to face this next transition together. Going home will be both super great and super hard. But I’m so thankful I have a family all around the United States (and Canada, eh!) to reach out to during the hard times, to pray with during the confusing times, to laugh with at the “Remember whens…”, and to be my Church.
I hate goodbyes. We’ve already had many hard goodbyes on this journey: with our families at Launch 11 months ago, with teammates leaving the field early, with hosts and strangers around the world that became sweet friends in just a few weeks…and saying goodbye to N Squad won’t be any easier.
But this is what I know:
1. The Lord has redeemed my definition of community and the Church through each of you.
My heart is so full. Painfully full. I used to avoid the pain because I thought feeling pain meant that something was wrong. But over the year, you all have taught me that loving something with all my heart and caring deeply is scary and painful and yet so worth it. That’s how much I have loved you all, our 11 countries, and this season of life.
2. “For everything there is a season…” (Ecclesiastes 3)
This community is one of the greatest gifts God has given me this year. I may not FEEL ready to leave you all, but I KNOW the Lord’s timing is better than mine and I KNOW this season with you was orchestrated by God.
Oh, I’m going to miss you fiercely.
But I’m confident in our next season of life, because I’m confident that we are all in the hands of the same One who walked with us over the last 11 months. After all, the Lord is the one who gave me all of you in the first place. He exceeded my expectations, and He’s not done. We just get another opportunity to trust Him. So enjoy these last few weeks together, and remember the goodness of God through the laughter and the faithfulness of God through the hard goodbyes.
I love you all so so much. What a privilege it has been.
