Dear Rock Bottom,
I hope you enjoyed your visit last week but I wish for you to not return anytime soon. I am sorry to inform you that I will not miss our times together. I did not enjoy crying on the floor in the middle of the night. I also do not appreciate the many times you had me second guessing my decisions. I was glad to see you depart.
Sincerely,
Danielle Parks
Last Monday was my hardest day on the race so far. It was the day I met rock bottom on the hard tile floor. I was completely spiritually and emotionally drained.
I was spiritually drained because I had unmet expectations for ministry. When I left America, I expected to move mountains. I dreamed of bringing hope to the hopeless. But, this glamorous vision of ministry was far from what I found when I stepped off the plane in Albania. The first few weeks we spent doing manual labor at a farm (see the blog, “Typical Day at LightForce International”). In the back of my mind, I though the first few weeks were preparing us for “real ministry”. Then, my team spent four days exploring Tirana. Initially, the break from manual labor was relaxing. I also enjoyed sightseeing and learning about Albania. But, by the fourth day I was eager to go to Lushnje in order for us to finally start our “real ministry”.
We arrived in Lushnje on Sunday and eagerly unpacked our belongings. But our ministry was once again pushed off until Monday. Finally, Monday morning arrived and we headed to the church; but come to find out, our ministry was once again manual labor. We cleaned the church for three hours and walked home. That afternoon was consumed with everyone watching Netflix and calling home. I was frustrated. I could have stayed in America if I wanted to watch Netflix. But, there I was; sweating in Albania trying to watch Royal Pains. I felt useless. The people I love and who need to know the Good News were four floors below yet I was doing nothing. Because of safety concerns, I am not allowed to leave our apartment alone. Yet, no one wanted to go out to the town and speak with the locals. I felt trapped. I was so close but still so far away.
All the while, I was also emotionally drained. The majority of my team members have recently graduated high school and at times it can be very difficult for me to relate to them. Our humor can be different and I don’t understand many of their slang references. I struggle trying to remember my high school experiences and feelings. Being in Lushnje enclosed in the apartment, I quickly became overwhelmed.
By nighttime, I was completely spiritually and emotionally drained. I spent that night physically crying to God for many hours. I cried to God because I felt guilty that I wasn’t getting along with the girls on my team. I cried because I was upset about the disunity. I cried because I thought I wasn’t fulfilling my full potential on the race. I even considered flying home. I felt guilty for internally feeling like I am overqualified to sit in a room and do nothing. I thought about what career paths I could be doing back home. I thought about the lives I could bring to Christ if only I could walk out my door. I thought that maybe all these barriers were God showing me that I am not supposed to be here. But then, after hours of crying. God started showing me the importance of working to love all of my brothers and sisters in Christ no matter how hard it is for me. He promised that I was hand selected by him to serve on this mission trip. He assured me that he would open doors.
All through the night and the next day, I was struck with a stomach bug. However, I was no longer discouraged. I knew that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Out of this new found hope, I prayed for God to open doors. I asked God to help me make deeper connections with the family at the local coffee shop. I asked God to help me build relationships with the local children. I asked God to provide avenues for me to minister to men and women in the bars and cafes. I asked God to bring me closer to our ministry host. I asked for unity in my team. I asked God to provide me avenues to speak with all the people God had placed on my heart.
Before I went to sleep, Ashleigh, one of my teammates, planned with me to go to the local coffee shop at 7:00 a.m. to do our devotionals. She too wanted to build a relationship with the family at the coffee shop. I knew at this moment that God had listened and heard me.
Wednesday was a day of God delivering his promises to me on a silver platter! Ten minutes into our devotionals, the family asked to sit with us. They wanted to get to know us better. After a few hours of getting to know one another, we planned to meet again for lunch and an adventure with the son. Wow, my simple prayer resulted in God putting a similar desire of fellowship in multiple hearts!! When Ashleigh and I got home, we decided to get the water for our team. As we sat with the empty containers outside waiting for the truck, a man came up to us. It ends up that we were at the wrong place and he brought us to where the truck was located. Wow, God really does provide our necessities!! A few minutes later, a young girl we had only met once, knocked at our door to give Ashleigh and I bracelets. We also planned a play date with her the following morning. Wow, God placed a love in her heart to make us bracelets!! Next, we went back with the boy to have lunch and explore the city. My whole team went to lunch and a few decided to go with the son to a river. Wow, God was slowly providing my team with unity!! Later that night, we had a prayer meeting with the Church of God. After, Ashleigh and I stayed to build more connections with the youth. They invited us to get coffee and after a while our host appeared. I ended up personally speaking with our host for hours at the coffee shop. He shared with me his testimony, the history of Albania, and many other stories. Wow, God provided me with an avenue to become closer with my ministry host!! Every day God has also had me fall deeper in love with the Albanian people. God has gifted me with the ability to quickly learn the Albanian language. I am almost certain that God wants me to come back to this country to work on their trade policies and improve industrialization. I see what God is teaching me about the people, I see the resources that are available, and I am excited for how God is going to transform this country. Wow, God really does have a bigger picture for me!!
All of these answered prayers were the reassurances that I needed in order to be certain that this is God’s plan for me. He reminded me of all the relationships with the local people he had orchestrated for me even when we were at LightForce International. It dawned on me later in the week that God had put me in this situation of unstructured ministry for me to endure and build my own ministry. God was preparing me for a life full of ministry when I am back in America, Albania, or anywhere God takes me. I now know how to find ministry even when it looks absent.
Hello Silver Lining,
Thank you for shining light in the times of darkness. I appreciate you visiting me last week. I loved the clarity you provided to me. Please stay as long as you would wish.
Sincerely,
Danielle Parks
