So I am now currently in Romania – its 2.09AM and my time clock is crazy and all over the place. We had been travelling for a full 4 days with a new team and have been living here since Tuesday but still I do not feel fully settled. This has nothing to do with the conditions! haha! We are living the life of comfort – staying in a big country house hotel that has beds and hot water…. Crazy how I would trade it all to be back in my tent sleeping on the floor with our cold showers in Honduras.
Romania is awesome . Even though its nothing like Scotland in so many ways it reminds me so badly of home! So far being here has been very hard and difficult for me 🙁 I am trying so hard to stay present and focused on what I am here for and what we are here to do but its hard when you are feeling so emotional and homesick! The last 2 weeks have been some of the hardest and most emotional days I have experienced on the race.
(view from our house in Romania)
Here are some of the reasons why things have been tough
* Being in a place that feels close to home
* Weather that is just like scotland
* Team changes
* Being split from someone in your old team that was your solid rock through everything
* An awesome team friend being sent home because she broke her arm
* Most of all- leaving Honduras
* Leaving the boys
* Leaving Carlos 🙁
Leaving Honduras almost killed me and broke my heart! I cried in the days leading up till we had to go and it was a hard and rocky week for me. When the final day came for leaving , things were o.k – I had my moment with Carlos where he took me on the bus and gave me a letter and a teddy bear – it broke me- I clung on to him so tightly and we both sobbed! Carlos has completely stolen my heart and leaving him was one of the hardest things I have ever done. After our moment God gave me a peace and there was not many tears after it – yes I was sad but I was not an emotional wreck the way I worried I would be. I believe he gave me this peace that reassured me that I was going to be back, that I will see Carlos again. I thank God so much for it because if he hadn't have gave me it then leaving Carlos and the rest of the boys would have been a different story!
Me and Carlos
I think part of me finding it hard to be here in Romania also is because I am not in Honduras! Something crazy happened to me. For the first time in my life I could see myself being somewhere other than scotland. Being in Honduras is the only place that I haven't felt a bit of home sickness. It scares me because I feel like honduras is the place God is calling me back to but at the same time it brings complete joy at the thought of being back at Zions Gate and working with 2 incredible people like Tony and Nidia and living with the boys.
My pastor says " If your dreams don't scare you then your not dreaming big enough."
Is this the dream? Have I found my purpose that God has called me to be? I really believe he has! Its exciting and crazy all at the same time!
I believe I have to keep running this race and seek God. I believe these 11 months for me is not only for reaching his people but also to go on an adventure together and for me to know more of Him and go through things on this race that will equip me one day for returning to Honduras!
So right now I am missing my home in scotland and also missing my second home in Honduras! I am a little fragile and need his strength so much! Please pray for me. I need to get out of this state and look forward to the future knowing that one day I will be home, but for now I must be present because people are waiting for me in the next 8 countries! God is waiting for me! Honduras is waiting!
Just to keep you all updated -: I am in a new team called Battle cry with Katie Howard, Aisha Davis, Emily Hix, Ryan Miller, Mark Rowdon and as our team leader – Ashley Sisk They are an amazing group of people 🙂 Things are still very new for us – we start ministry fully next Tuesday where we are here in Romania building homes for couples that adopt orphans. It's an awesome ministry!
Here is the website- www.caminulfelix.com
