Today marks day 96 of our 100-day stint here in
Vietnam. It’s our last day in the
village and, as excited and ready as I am to be back home, I’m kind of sad to be
leaving this place.
I’m going to be honest and real for a moment here and it
might make me sound a bit heartless, but oh well. As I pack my bags and reflect on this trip, it’s not the
people I’m going to miss most. I’m
grieving what this could have been.
This season has been one of the toughest I’ve been through
in a long, long time. It was a
season of high hopes and unmet expectations. A season in which my poor attitude and unwillingness to be
flexible kept me from truly getting to know the people I’m with, nor reaping
the fruit the Lord had for me.
When I think about it, it’s sad really. This could have been a truly life changing journey, a season
in which I got a real taste of what it means to live and dwell among another
culture. Instead, I spent most
days wishing I were elsewhere. I
spent most days escaping reality and avoiding relationship and being angry with
God all the while.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this trip wasn’t all bad. There’s a reason I started this series with
my 10 favorite moments. There’s a
reason I chose to focus on the good instead of reliving the bad.
The past 4 days the Lord has been doing a work in me that I
can’t even begin to really put words around. He’s convicted me and humbled me in ways I wasn’t expecting,
but am incredibly grateful for all the more. He’s begun to reveal to me just howimportant this season
has been, even if I can’t entirely understand its purpose as of yet. He’s provided me opportunities to finish
strong, to love well, and to simply be myself. But most of all, He’s shown me the importance of walking out
of here with my head held high, rather than kicking myself for what I had
written off as a season of failure.
The fact of the matter is, I can’t change the past 96
days. As much as I’d love to go
back and do things differently, I can’t.
But I can choose how I walk out of here; and, while I’m definitely
leaving this place a bit sad, grieving the relationships and experiences that
could have been, I’m choosing to walk away grateful. I’m grateful for the people I’ve met and for the love
they’ve shared, even when I’ve failed to love in return. I’m grateful for the warm, friendly
faces that continually offer me grace, even when I’ve failed to offer it
myself. Most of all, I’m grateful
that seasons of failure often produce the greatest fruits in life and that,
though this season may have been a tough one, I have no doubt the lessons I’ve
learned here are ones that’ll have lasting effects.
