Yesterday I celebrated my 24th birthday. Twenty-four is kind of a boring age– no new responsibilities, no new privileges, just…24. But as boring as it is, it’s exciting for me. I mean, I’ve been alive for 24 years! That just blows my mind, the reason mainly being:
I never thought I’d live through college.
Don’t get me wrong, I was a bright student– did well, got good grades. This simply goes just a wee bit deeper than that.
College was hard. It wasn’t the classes or community that weighed me down; it was something inside of me. Something that, until going on the Race, I didn’t really know was there. Some days I still don’t entirely know what that something was. What I do know though is how it made me feel and the hopelessness that followed. I remember sitting in a Seminar my sophomore year, “The Psychology of Self-Esteem.” Kind of ironic for someone whose depression was fueled by identity issues, don’t you think? Anyway, one of the activities we did that afternoon was write goals. The professor gave us some guidelines but, for the most part, we were asked to simply write tangible goals about our future. He gave us prompts… where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? All that good stuff. This assignment in and of itself kind of made me want to scream. Here I was, a 19 year old suburban kid, 4.0 gpa (which was killed after this Seminar– we won’t go into the irony of that though), and I couldn’t think of a single goal for my life. As I sat there and thought about where I’d be in 5 years, I wanted to cry. I had gotten to a place where I was so scared of myself and my depression, that I legitimately didn’t think I would live to see graduation.
Well, I did. Yesterday marked that mysterious 5 years from now moment, give or take a month. Since then, not only have I graduated college, I’ve also had the opportunity to serve overseas in more than a dozen countries (mission work on every continent by the age of 25 was the fake goal I wrote in class, mostly to make myself sound like a better person), and have a dream I’m willing to sacrifice to pursue. Five years ago, I never would have imagined I’d be here. I never would have imagined seeing the things I’ve seen, meeting the people I’ve met, learning the things I’ve learned.
Five years ago, I was ready to give up. Today, I’m just getting started.
Over the next few days, I’m hoping to begin to reveal details about some big dreams the Lord has put in my heart and the doors that are opening to make them a reality. Stay tuned– I promise it’ll be worth it!
