I’ve lived my life in shoes too small.
Last week at the orphanage, while being directed to the bathroom, the woman in charge pointed to some shoes I could wear while in there. As she watched me slip my size 10 foot toes into these maybe size 6 shoes, she simply smiled and apologized, “You are too big.” Yes, yes I am.
As I walked into the bathroom, slow and steady so as not to lose a shoe, the Lord spoke to me, “You are too big for the shoes.” Well, that’s not obvious, Lord. “I’m not talking about these shoes. I’m talking about the ones you wear every day. You need to admit you’re too big for the shoes you’re in and be willing to trust me with the ones I have for you.” But I don’t know how to do that. “Yes, yes you do. You’re the one who daily chooses to put on these other ones. You’re the one who daily chooses to see yourself as less than who you actually are. My child, there’s a whole world out there for you. I have a destiny and a future just for you, but I’m afraid it’s not within the shoes you’re wearing.”
I’ve lived my life in shoes too small. I’ve never been at a point where I’m willing to admit that the Lord wants to do something radical but He wants to do it through me. I’ve stifled anointing, blessings, and giftings in my life because I don’t trust that they’re there instead of boldly walking in them like the Lord is asking me to do. I constantly say I want more in my life, yet when the Lord urges me to run, I can’t because of the shoes on my feet.
I’m too big for this kind of life.
I’m too big to not live as I was created to be.
The Lord has a purpose, a destiny for my life. He has called me out of a life of complacency not simply to get to know myself but to actually make a difference. He wants to do big things through me. He has anointed me and sent me out into this world to be a vessel of his light and truth. And the beauty of it all, what He’s teaching me most, is it doesn’t end with this year. He continues to send me day by day. He continues to call me day by day.
And because I’m too big for these shoes, I kick them off. I say, take them my Lord and have your way with me. I apologize for all the times I was hesitant, all the times I was scared. I apologize for not living as you’ve created me to be. But, Lord, my God, I want nothing other than to love and serve you with my whole heart, to chase you full force and daily walk as the woman you’ve created me to be. I want to be your hands and feet, oh Lord. So I ask that you continue to strengthen me. Continue to teach me your ways and transform me. Guide me steps, my words, my thoughts, and my actions. May it all be of you and for you, my Lord and my God.
