So it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve posted a blog. For most people, that’s really not that big of deal. For me, it’s a bit atypical. I am alive; I’m not sick. It’s just, I don’t really have much to say. It’s funny the way God can be moving in some of the most powerful ways you’ve ever seen or experienced, yet when it comes down to it, you really have nothing to say. But I’ll try anyway. All I can tell you is the state of my heart and where I’m at with the Lord. So yea, here goes.
A little over a week ago, each individual on my team was posed the same question, “Would you be willing to give up Tanzania to go back to Eldoret (Kenya)?” As Katie asked me that question, January flashed before my eyes. All of the missed opportunities, all the feelings of regret and guilt for not “doing enough” came flooding back to me. Did I really want to go back to a place where I missed family and friends more than ever before? Did I really want to go back to a place where I missed what God was saying the first time around? As Katie stood there, waiting for her answer, I knew what I had to say, “Sure, I’ll go.”
You see, here’s what I believe. This is a month of redemption. January was a great month. We stayed with a wonderful family and they took great care of us. But I left that month with feelings of guilt, regret, and uneasiness over the role I played and the things I did (or didn’t do I should say). I left that month thinking of what it could have been instead of seeing what is was. It was a month where the Lord was at work. I mean, we planted a church. I preached for 45 minutes before 200-300 and saw demons cast out beneath the power of my prayers and those of my brothers and sisters. By the glory and grace of God, it was a good month. But I failed to see that. Because I had other things in mind. I was too focused on what was wrong with me to notice what was right with God.
So that leads me back to this month. I firmly believe God has His reasons for bringing our team back to Eldoret. And among those reasons, I do believe is redeeming the month of January. Not that it was a bad month, rather, redeeming the way I walk off this continent thinking about Kenya. You see, had we not come back, I would have left Africa with all those negative feelings about Kenya. I think God was sick of my moping and negative attitude and is, in essence, giving me a second chance. It’s like He’s saying, “Here, you wanted to do more. Then do it. Don’t miss the chance again.” God has just given me Kenya on a silver platter, a second chance, a redo and you better believe I’m not going to mess it up this time.
Coming into this month I promised myself it would be different. It could look exactly like it did last time around, but I wouldn’t be the same–and that would be the difference. I have already noticed a huge difference in my attitude and the way I’ve been relating to those around me this month. My relationship with God is that much better, as is the relationship with the family I’m living with. It’s amazing how a month can be so dramatically changed when you open you eyes and adjust your attitude.
As far as things go, that’s where I’m at. God is moving and is going to move. I know that and I expect nothing less. I’ve never been at a point in my life where I so confidently believe that my Lord is moving and am just open to whatever He wants to do in me and through me. Whether that be sending me to Tanzania or sending me to Kenya, I am open to whatever the Lord has in store. The beauty of simply being an open vessel to the Lord is that I don’t have to be in control of anything. I can surrender everything to Him and trust that things will work out as they should. And when I do that, cool things happen. Like coming back to Kenya. In addition to being a redemption month, it’s also something that defies what the World Race is–full of goodbyes. We get to be the team that says hello again. We get to be blessed with the opportunity to see the same contact for a second month and form an even deeper bond. We get to have our African family back. So you see, when you surrender everything and say, “Lord, I give you Tanzania because I know that it would have to be your will for us to go back,” sometimes you get these little silver linings too.
