While in Romania, I posted a blog about freedom. A woohoo-I’m-finally-free blog. Wouldn’t we all love it if freedom were simply a one and done kind of thing. Claim it, have it-bam! yours forever. In many ways, it is like that though-Christ died for our freedom. He already fought the battle. He already won. So yes, freedom has been established. Walking in that freedom though? Far from a one and done kind of thing.
I’ve claimed freedom in my life over all sorts of stuff since I’ve started this Race. And I’m slowly, slowly learning I’m going to have to reclaim freedom over some of that same stuff as I continue this Race. But when it boils down to it, it won’t matter how many times I claim the freedom if I don’t first stop being scared to stand in that freedom, to walk in that freedom.
My name is Daina Christ Norusis. And that scares me.
I am scared to be the person God has created me to be-the living, breathing Christ on earth. Christ is in me. I’m scared to accept that. I’m scared to accept the change that’ll happen when I finally do.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. –Marianne Williamson
With each day that passes, I get more scared of this person I’m becoming. I don’t know her. Who is this Daina Christ Norusis? She’s certainly not the person I’ve been staring in the mirror at for the past 22 years. With each passing day another piece of me dies to this new self, to Christ within me. Yet simultaneously, with each passing day, the Daina I know fights harder to stay alive and freedom appears that much harder. This battle over identity, this battle over truth-it all gets overwhelming sometimes. And often times, the old Daina wins. And I continue to be scared. But one day there won’t be anymore old Daina. One day I’ll stand in nothing but freedom and truth. But until that day comes, I’ll battle this fear because I am Daina Christ Norusis, whether I’m ready to accept it or not.
