Spirit of Fear

I’m literally shaking, crying, overwhelmed with a spirit of fear right now.  It’s finally hit me that tomorrow (well, today) I leave for New York to officially begin my World Race journey and instead of pure joy and excitement, I am being overwhelmed with the spirit of fear.

I’m cold.  My heart is racing.  The tears won’t stop.  I’m literally shaking.  I hate this spirit of fear.  I’m questioning what I’ve gotten myself into.  I’m doubting my abilities.  I think I’m doomed to fail.

The spirit of fear.  I hate it.

It’s paralyzing me, yet keeping me running in circles.  Sleep is not an option and God seems so distant, even though I knew He’s closer than ever.

The spirit of fear.

I feel like I’m going to vomit.  My head is throbbing in pain.  My vision is blurry and my thoughts don’t make sense.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs, yet I’m silenced by what has overcome me.

Reality has set in in the form of the spirit of fear.

I ask now more than every that you pray for me and all those overcome with this spirit of fear. 

My loving God,

I need you more than I’ve ever needed you before right now.  I need your love to pour forth and overcome this spirit of fear.  I need your strength.  I need your courage.  I need your reassurance that this is your will.  Take from me this darkness.  Remind me of your truth, your goodness, your light.  Fill me with your zest, your zeal, and ignite within me the flame that will carry me through the next year of my life.  I need you more than ever Father.  Please, act today; act right now.  Take this spirit of fear from me.  Replace it with one of your own.  I want to be your servant Lord, your disciple to the nations.  Help me do this.  Give me the confidence.  Give me the hope.  Give me the passion.  I trust you, my God, but right now, I need to trust you more.  Help me with that.  Comfort me oh Lord.  Remind me of my purpose.  Silence this damned spirit of fear.