“I feel like I always end up on the
bottom, I’ve always been the poor girl.
I’ve always been the ugly kid. I
feel like I will never amount to much and everything I do is never good
enough. I’m constantly being ditched by
the people I trust most.”
That is a quote from my journal from
just a few days ago. These are all
things I’ve felt over and over again throughout my life. Whether it was my dad coming in and out of
my life, best friends ditching out on me after they’ve gotten a girlfriend or
boyfriend, or just my own thoughts holding me back from being all that God has
intended for me to be. These feelings
have caused me to have the tendency to pull away, close off and become a hermit
in attempts to protect myself from being hurt denying others from ever really
getting to know the real me.
The Lord has shown me recently that
I have the authority to squash these feelings if I would stop throwing myself a
pity party and stand up in the righteousness of God in Christ that He says I
am. These feelings keep creeping back
into my mind and heart because the enemy uses what he knows will work. Sometimes it’s so much easier to believe the
lies of the enemy rather than the truths of God’s word. I have to choose to rebuke the lies and not
succumb to them.
While the enemy whispers all those
negative thoughts into my head, I must remember what God declares over my
life. He says that I am blessed, I am
fearfully and wonderfully made, He has plans to prosper me, to give me a hope
and a future. He says that He will never
leave me or forsake me, and that I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me. When the enemy tells me
I have a right to be angry, God says that it’s His kindness that led me to
repentance. I’m learning to capture my
thoughts/feelings and test them with the Word of God. If the Word says the opposite of that thought/feeling then I know
it is a lie from the pit. I’ve chosen
to squash my pride and deny my desire to get justice for myself. I trust God and He will fight my battles for
me. He is my best friend, my defender
and my hope. In Him I am free to love
again.
