I’m currently on a plane heading back to Zambia. I’m heading back to the country where the eleven months I spent overseas came to an end last year with p-squad. Now the five months I have been gifted with to lead i-squad are coming to an end in Zambia as well.
Before returning home last year I knew the Lord was stirring in me to give up something I dearly loved. He was asking me to make a sacrifice. I felt He was asking me to give up that beautiful 1969 Oldsmobile 442 convertible that made me smile every time I looked at it.
I knew it was something that I didn’t “need,” and I knew sometimes I idolized that car. It was just a car. It was just a hunk of metal (that sounded awesome every time I started it). I sold the 442. I gave it up. I released something that I once tried to call “mine.”
I knew before leaving Georgia back in August that I would be giving away the Bible that I HAD. I didn’t realize how much of a sacrifice giving away that Bible would be. You would think getting rid of a dream car would be more difficult than giving away a Bible. Replacing a Bible is a lot easier than replacing a classic hot rod after all, and monetarily cheaper too.
On Thanksgiving day I gave away the Bible that I had. I was going to wait until the end of Zambia to give away the Bible, but that would be too easy. It wouldn’t be a true sacrifice for me because I would be going back to America where Bibles are abundantly available. The Lord wanted me to gift it to someone, but not gift it when it was convenient for me.
I haven’t had a Bible for two weeks now. Not having a Bible sucks. For real, it sucks. An app for a Bible is no comparison to having a real one in your hands. I can’t make handwritten notes via the app. I can’t highlight and emphasize singular words. I can’t color on the pages (or spill the occasional coffee) on an app. I can’t access notes I’ve written in the Bible I had. Yep, it sucks.
You know what one thing is that I have learned from giving away that Bible? The answer is that I idolized that Bible like I idolized the hot rod that I had. I spent the first several mornings feeling a slight bit lost after giving away the Bible. The routine I usually went through in the morning was off. I didn’t have the Bible to sit and spend quiet time with. Instead I had a Bible app on a phone. It’s no where near the same. However I have learned that the Bible is not what gives me direct access to the Father. The Father offers me that with or without a Bible.
I then began to realize how much I take the Bible for granted. The fact that I have easy access to them. The fact that I can carry a Bible around freely in the United States without persecution. The fact that there are tons of Christians who have never had access to a Bible but still have fellowship and faith in the Lord. I may have idolized the Bible but I took it for granted too. I took for granted just how precious of a gift a Bible is. I took for granted something that so many people would risk persecution to have.
A sacrifice is the surrendering of a possession. Currently (always a work in progress), I am still working on surrendering ALL things—because there is truly nothing for me to claim possession of. That Bible NEVER belonged to me even though I use to call it “mine.” The Lord had plans for that Bible long before I even laid hands on it (WOW). The Bible I once had is in very good hands, and so am I with or without a Bible…even though I still struggle without it.
Try writing a blog without the words “my” or “mine” because of trying to rid your vocabulary of those words that reflect possessing(it is hard and makes word flow awkward lol).
Oh yeah, if you can help out, I still very much so need donations! I know I am coming back soon, but I still need funding to cover the time I spent on the field with i-squad.
I can’t tell you how much I will miss being around these people. One night as a squad, we spent over three hours in prayer together at debrief…it was SO GOOD. I wish everyone could experience the boldness of their prayers. Gosh they are BEAUTIFUL!
