Training camp was hard but also beautiful. For a girl who is not used to hills and to being vulnerable. Most in this day in age consider being vulnerable as a weakness but I have learned it takes strength, it takes courage to share what has keep you down for most of your life and to face it dead on. When going to training camp I was excited and pumped, looking forward to challenging myself and growing in the Lord. Day one came and here came all the attacks, the hills at camp made my legs burn going up and down them. Thoughts all of a sudden started to flood my mind of I can’t do this, this is too hard. I am not ready. When my friend fell and got hurt, I even had the thought I wish that was me then I wouldn’t have to do the Hike. I knew of course that these were Satan and I kept pressing through but I didn’t know why God would have me to go to camp if I wasn’t ready, if I couldn’t do it. Why He was letting Satan mock me and speak these thoughts in my mind. The thing is that God lets Satan only go so far and HE also makes away to turn everything to show His Glory. The Day before the airport lost my luggage so I was humbled and got to share a tent lol it was the smallest tent really only meant for one person but we shared it. We had a conversation at 5 am that next morning and really go to know each other. We may have only slept about 2 hours that night and it wasn’t consistent but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I also was sick to my stomach the day of the hike maybe it was nerves or maybe due to my monthly friend but not something I would want to deal with when Hiking. Right before the hike I had a conversation with one of our leaders dealing with one of my emotional things in the past and my fears about the hike. In that time God gave to my mind James 1:2-3″ Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” I left the meeting confident and I went and got my pack and I started walking down the driveway to our Hike starting point. I was the first one there and as I stood there I was good. They had us group up and I was in the first group. I started out great and then I came to the first hill and panic came over me, fears started to flood in and before they could completely take over here came one of my squad mates He asked for my water bottle, I didn’t know why but I gave it to him. Then he started to walk backwards and the whole time was encouraging me and if I wanted water he would continue to walk backwards and sometimes faster and said you want it you have to come get it. There was several times I wanted to stop for a second to catch my breath but He wouldn’t let me. Then came another squad mate and she stayed and walked beside me, encouraging me the whole time. then we get to about a quarter to a half mile from the finish of the two mile hike and I see a group of my squad mates that had made it to the finish turn around and come back out for me to walk the rest of the way with me. As we reach almost there I see the rest of the squad there cheering me on at the finish line. We get there and then the One that stayed with me the whole time grabs my hand and pushes everyone out of the way so we can cross the finish. Even after everything instead of me just throwing everything off and laying in the grass He still pushed me to do a slow cool down walk so that my muscles would not frog up. I didn’t use names, not that I didn’t know who they were but because they were used by God in that moment to touch my life and my heart. They at that moment were tangible sacrificial love of God for me. They were used by God to show me that I was worthy of Love. They were used to show me that I am worth devoting time into myself. They were used to show me that it is not selfish to think of myself and my healthy, my dreams, my goals, and to take time to get past my past hurts. If I hadn’t gone through this trial of training camp, with all its hills, if I didn’t have to face fears, pain, sickness, sleeplessness, my own self doubt, then I wouldn’t be where I am today. With every step God got the Glory, with every amount of love shown to me God got the Glory. I was told that this walk encouraged others on my team as well as it encouraged me. If I was only meant to go to training camp for that one moment to impact me and to impact T squad then I praise God for it. With all this being said my Journey is far from being over. I am still on the path to go on the World Race but the World Race is not the end all either. I am in a season of getting healthier physically, mentally and spiritually. I am on a Path of getting burdens that I took on as a child that were never mine to carry and giving them to the Lord and working out relationships that deal with it all as well. Please pray for me because it was really hard to say good bye to T Squad they will always be my family and I am so proud of each and everyone of them and I will continue to pray for their Journey.
This scripture is where I am at right now James 1:2-4″Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
