So when you think of wedding you think of the groom waiting anxiously with a grin on his face as all the wedding party walks down the isle then the dramatic music plays and the bride in her white gown with a huge smile, even maybe a tear, walks down the aisle slowly, eyes on her future husband full of love and excitement for this next chapter in her life. They hold hands and look into each others eyes as they make promises to each other and hold back tears as they remember how much they love each other. The preacher finishes and declares the husband can now kiss his wife and they kiss and hold each other and celebrate as they practically dance down the aisle to an exciting reception. The toasts are prepared by the friends of the couple where they reminess on how the couple met and all the ups and downs they have been through to get them to this point. right? isn't that the way it is supposed to go? Would we expect anything else other than that?
Well our team had the opportunity to go to a Nepalese wedding yesterday.. SO EXCITING! We decided to throw our "never wearing a saree again" declaration out the window and our contact dressed us girls up in her gorgeous sarees.. we put on makeup (first time this month whoo hoo) and hopped on the local bus with some people from the church and off we went.
Turns out it wasn't just one wedding.. it was two in one! Two weddings at the exact same time. There was a couple hundred of us sitting on the ground as the grooms sat at the front beside the pastor. You could see a slight anxiousness to them as they prepared for their big day. The pastor says a few things, we sing a few nepalese wedding songs and then we stand as the brides come down the aisle. And they looked beautiful. Pure white sarees with the most beautifully intricate lace veils cover their heads and their face. They walk, with their heads bowed down, all the way down the aisle and they sit on the other side of the stage. The pastor talks for.. i dunno… 1 1/2 hours? He said about 2 sentences to us in english.. the rest of the sermon was all in Nepalese. Finally he calls the first bride and groom up and they take hands.. and everyone errupts in applause. They still don't look at each other. They recite a few things and the groom pulls the veil back to reveal her face, which is still bowed down.. showing no emotion. Then they move to the next couple.. as they pull the veil back they reveal a tear streaked face. I initially decide they are tears of joy.. this is her big day! They we notice they aren't joyful tears.. We are so confused.. why is she sad?
After as the couples are taking pictures they sit in chairs beside each other.. but they seem so distant.. they don't look at each other.. they don't even speak a word to each other. Since being out of the country for so long i just take these things as cultural differences. Maybe the women have to act submisive and not speak or maybe its not culturally acceptable to speak or look at each other on their wedding day. As i continue to watch the one girl cry for hours i think i know what is gonig on.
I finally asked the hard question.. "Daniel.. are these arranged marriages?"
Yes..
These brides and grooms don't know each other. The leaders of the church have picked what they decide is a suitable bride and groom for each other. They have never met. They dont know each others likes or dislikes. They don't know what pushes the others buttons or what makes them upset. On the other hand they don't know what it takes to make each other smile. They don't know each others eye color, their families, the scent of the soap they use, or what their favorite color is.
What a shockin reality that this is how it works in this country. I look around at all the couples in the room and at our contacts whose marriages have all been arranged. Its so different than we can ever image.. .but they are all succesfull and working. They raise up homes of amazing children.. the men love their wives and the wives submit to their husbands.
The reality is that these men and women don't know any different. This is how they do it here.. so to think of doing it any different would be strange for them. Daniel told us that in the evening they will begin to talk and learn things about each other and after about a month they will begin to love each other. And it works.
The divorce rate here is extremely low. Think about how we do it in America, we all get the freedom to choose and over 50% of the time we decide our choice is the wrong one. How do these people get it right? Over 95% of the population here aren't even christian. They don't get to choose their husbands or wives and they stay together forever. We must be missing something. I believe we let so many things get in the way of our relationship. Our jobs, our friends, our freedom…note the use of "our". These are all things that we believe we have the rights to or we "deserve", but in reality we don't deserve a single thing. God graciuosly gives us these things as gifts.. when we are the most underserving. Relationships and marriage were created by God as a gift. God has created us to be relational beings. Think Adam and Eve. He created man and women to live together.. just one man and one women.. to live their lives serving Him. Serving the God who created us.. How can it go wrong? Greatest commandment- Love the Lord God with all your heart mind and soul, second love your neighbor as yourself. Can you do anything wrong if you follow these two? We should allow God to arrange our marriages.. because I believe He will and He does. And choose to love each other.. choose to serve each other and follow these commandments
Ephesians 5:21"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Put each other above yourself.. continue every day to love each other more than the last. To always be honest with each other. Pray WITH and FOR each other DAILY! Challenge each other to become better men and women of God.
Colossians 3:16
"Wive submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly"
I feel like this is where other cultures get it right. Regardless on whether i believe arranged marriages are right or not isn't the point. Its how they wake up every day and decide they will be married and love each other regardless of their own agenda. They respect each other.. they submit to each other, they love each other. Simple as that…
