there seems to be a pattern of life that i follow when it comes to my walk with the Lord. i’ll spend a season, usually in transition, barraging Him with questions about what i should be doing and where i should be going and how i should be acting. after a period of sometimes hearing an answer and sometimes beating myself up if i don’t, the pendulum swings me into a season of just sitting with Him and having no expectations. i don’t study the Bible unless He tells me to (which He does, but not always), i don’t read Christian self-help book unless He tells me to, i don’t pray unless He tells me to. i don’t worship unless He tells me to and i don’t talk unless He says so.
i know that it might not quite fit into what a daily quiet time with Jesus “should” look like (at least according to mainstream Christianity). i know that my version of ‘getting in the Word’ might be a little different from your version of ‘getting in the Word’ because i take the greek translation literally*. and that’s totally okay because Jesus loves the mess outta you, just like He loves the mess outta me. it’s not about right and wrong: it’s about Life and death and i get a heck of a lot of Life when i don’t have any expectations with Him.
i stop ‘doing’ and i just start ‘being’. i sit there with a hot cup of tea**, an open journal and pen and wait until He speaks to me and this, He almost always does. i seem to hear Him a lot clearer when i don’t have an agenda. i seem to get a lot more answers from Him when i don’t ask Him very many questions. in fact, if i were to compare the two seasons it would probably look like my quiet times are more productive during the ‘being’ times than the ‘doing’ times. He talks to me a lot about how much He loves me and about who I am and who He wants me to be and how proud of me He is. He tells me that He’s pushing me because that’s how i’ll look more like Him.
the more time i spend with Him like this, the more transformed i become and the more i hear His voice throughout the day, throughout life. suddenly actions follow the Whispers and i’m doing things again, only this time it’s coming from a much different place: it’s coming from a place of intimacy with the Creator of the universe. not a place of desperation for answers. my seasons of ‘doing’ have been motivated by trying to please God with my actions but never feeling like they do and yet my seasons of ‘being’ result in God telling me how pleased He is with me, which in turn enables me to do, but not to please Him. i do because He’s pleased with me, regardless of what i do.
doing things to be loved and doing things because you are loved yield separate results, separate paths. and i’ve taken both. dear reader, the latter is a far better journey.
this go round, i think i’ll just stay right here in the season of being.
much Love.
* something that is written or spoken
**it's usually coffee, but i've given it up for a while…sigh…
