i've been tossing and turning for the past two hours (it's 4 am here in kenya) and i felt inspired to tackle my significant list of blogs that i subscribe to*. i dominated about thirty and, trying to ride the coattails of my new found task orientedness, began writing this blog (on my free iphone so as not to wake my girls sleeping next to me**). it's been a month past our original departure date and you might be wondering why our team was held up. long story short, we as a team needed to come to a place of health, both individually and corporately. we stayed back and did some intense and much needed team building, soul searching and training. we even got dropped in the middle of the north georgia woods for wilderness boot camp 101…during winter. needless to say, it was quite the experience as my first ever backpacking and camping trip!
during one of the trainings, we had to undergo a slew of personality and trait tests. i'm not one to hold a lot of weight in those things but patterns emerged that i couldn't overlook, explanations for why i do what i do. plus, there were characteristics that i always thought were true of me that actually weren't. for example, i'm not the best at details. i'm not a good multitasker. i'm not the best listener (naturally) but i can talk your face off (also naturally). i'm completely content with doing surface level with the majority of people because it takes a lot out of me to go deep. it's intriguing revelations and i'm still chewing it all but i've learned some pretty hefty lessons, the biggest of which is this: i am uniquely made.
sounds simple but do you know what that means? all God wants of me is to recognize and grow in my uniqueness because that is how i'm going to be used to my utmost potential and for His utmost glory. i don't have to be anyone or anything else. in fact, it takes away from not only my purpose but from His body. if i'm not operating in how He's fashioned me to operate, then it means i'm operating in someone else's role. that's neither acceptable nor beneficial because the end result is disunity amongst the Church and, frankly, we have enough of that.
as easy as it sounds, it can prove difficult in just being me. there are so many people who take it upon themselves to speak into who i am that sometimes it's just easier to believe them and go for it. i'm surrounded by so many allstars that i just kinda want to be them or at least somewhat like them. but at the end of the day, who does He say i am? well, He's been telling me a lot of things in that department and they all have something in common: they're stretching me from the comfortable to the uncomfortable. yet when i start to walk these things out i realize that the uncomfortable really isn't all that uncomfortable. in fact, it's just indicative of how "un-me" i really am. i begin to experience freedom and new heights in my journey with the Lord. plus, it takes the pressure off of being someone i'm not and keeps me at a constant place of striving to operate out of the Spirit rather than out of the flesh.
so how can i best contribute to this team and to the people of kenya? i just have to be Myself!
much Love.
*if you'd like me to subscribe to yours, i probably will:) just leave a comment with your blog link or a blog that you thoroghly enjoy. i'm in the neighborhood for new blogs to read!
**weird that i have better technology here in kenya than in the states…go figure.
