This past week has been hard. I haven’t been myself at all. One being when you can’t breath, you can’t do anything like walking up the stairs and making it up two steps and wanting to fall over. I’ve missed my team more than words can say! I haven’t been able to do ANYTHING with our ministry. It sucks. It’s just that simple.
The past two 48 hours I’ve had oxygen, needles, needles and more needles poked in my arms. I’ve had to pee in a bowel with a plastic bag over it? (Uh okay? Weird I know!) I’ve had an echocardiogram done, EKG, and many breathing test done! What else could they possibly do? Oh yeah.. Stick me in a glass box for three hours with needles in my arms, wires hooked up everywhere, and oxygen flowing in to send me back to sea level. Exactly where my body needs to go to readjust and then they’ll bring me back up slowly to this altitude! I have pulmonary hypertension due to high altitude and fluid in my lungs.
I think God sometimes wants us to go back to where He wants us so He can begin His work in us. I hate resting. I hate being still. I hate not being able to do my best.. I’m a busy person, it’s just my nature. I’ve been blaming myself for this. But you know what, there’s not a dang thing I can do! All I can do is trust our Lord! He is holding me and I am being made NEW! He’s the strength of my heart.
My heart is basically stressed out and my lungs as well. This is when God said, “okay can I have control now?” So this is me giving in! He has total and complete control of my life because without Him..I can’t do it. This reminds me of when Jesus is in the wilderness. He can’t make it on His own, so He has to rely on His Father. That’s what God is asking of me..to rely on Him when I think I can’t go on anymore. When I am weak and losing hope because my body won’t adapt. When I get tired of asking for help or more oxygen. I need to turn to the one who has overcome everything! In this storm, I will continue to praise Him!
I love that our Lord Is so gentle with us and will never leave our side. He has been walking with me hand in hand, telling me to be still, to trust Him, and that everything will be okay.
And it will..all in His perfect timing!
What is God teaching you today?
