Yesterday I jumped off a 300ft bridge in Baños, Ecuador. I can officially say it’s the craziest and scariest thing I have ever done. You see I don’t really take risks much. You might say I do, but really God has designed me to live outside of my comforts and embrace the change, embrace the new. My idea of risks is staying in the same place, committing to something, fully investing in just one thing. Some might say the trips I have taken are risky, but it’s just that my idea of risk is much different. These last few years have been a season of wandering. Ever since my life got awakened by my Creator it has been three years of traveling and spending my time in other countries falling in love with cultures and people that are not familiar to me. Yes, in the meantime I committed to finishing school, in hopes that it would finally release me from that commitment. In the last three years, I have hopped around to different causes to try and find where my passions are. Eventually leading to coming on the Race to get closer to my Creator and in hope that that would bring me to a certain cause I could commit my wandering heart to.
Friday night when I decided I was going to jump off the bridge at Baños, I realized a familiar pattern going through my mind on whether or not I was going to jump. One of them being that I looked for the approval of others. I asked everyone who has done it, wants to do it, and my friends and family if it was a good idea. I needed the approval of others for me to be able to full commit to it. I ended up committing. Nervous or not, I was going and do it. Leading to the next thing early the next morning…
I doubted it was the right decision almost instantly when I got there that morning. I looked at the bridge, looking at the height, the commitment to putting my life in the trust of a bungee. I started freaking out and letting fear get to me to the point that I almost didn’t do it. This is so like me. In my major, in my passions, in my decisions, I always doubt myself. I get to the point that I am about to make the decision and then back out. This time, thankfully, I had a team that encouraged me to do it, but that led me to think about the things in my past that I have backed out of because I was too afraid to commit.
Although this didn’t fully come to the light through jumping off the bridge, I believe God has to teach little ol’ me through the physical. This month I have really been feeling God speak to me on what it is he wants me to commit to for my future and that jump gave me a picture of what that looks like. I have continued to do the “next thing” these last few years because I have been afraid of having something tie me down, having a specific cause I devote my life to. I have been afraid of “missing out” if I chose the wrong thing, or finding something better and being too far in. But truth is God will not let me miss out. God knows my heart. He knows the passion I have for others and I believe that He will allow that to come into fruition even if that means that I have to focus on one thing. He will not allow me to commit myself to something that will not be used for his love and truly that is the only thing I care about.
After this jump I realized that my fear and my emotions will get the best of me if I allow them. And if I allow them, I will miss out on my purpose, his leading, or in this case an eventful day with my team. The fear of what others think of my decisions or life path will stop me if I don’t listen to my Father in Heaven. He knows my heart, he equips these bones to succeed in what he calls me to and His voice is the only voice I should be putting my affirmation in. This fear that I have of commitment will ruin me if I don’t stop it now. It will allow my to be drifted by the wind of every change and never allow my life to be fully committed to my Father in Heaven.
I am thankful for Abba who binds. Binds my wandering heart to Him. Countless times. He is good. Faithful. Sustaining. This journey is doing exactly what I wanted it to. Allowing me to be more in tune with his voice, more in love with his justice, and a breath of fresh air to my dry bones when I let this world get the best of me.
I am letting go. I am jumping into His plans. I am committing.
