I’ve always been quite the passionate soul. I’ve always been a defender. I’ve always stuck up for the afflicted. I’ve always struggled with not being right. I like to feel brave. I like to do things out of the norm. I am a rebel. I’m stubborn. I struggle with my faith in Jesus sometimes because I relate him so much to my short comings. I wonder how someone can help such an inconsistent, unsatisfied me.
I use to try and get rid of all these things above. When I became a Christian I followed the rules that made me into a person that was not the real me. Since then I’ve grown and realize that part of me is never going to go away. I have learned to love that person in me. I’ve learned that I was made in His image and all those attributes He gave me are something I must embrace. Instead of try to get rid of, He can use it all for good. Because He is good.
I’m learning to see the person I am and know that I can still be respectful and have compassion on people who disagree with me. I’m learning to accept what others say about what I think and take it in, instead of wanting to debate about it. I’m learning that I can be overzealous about something that might not be right. I’ve learned to take a breather and react differently. I’m learning, but it’s a process and a hard one at that.
This past few months has been an identity finder for me and I’ve learned more about myself then ever before. I’ve learned I have a lot of things that I have to work on, but that I am at an okay spot. That God can still work the mess out of me. My phrase for this new season has been and will be, “be brave.” I’m learning that’s not the actual idea of bravery to take physical risks, but to be brave in my convictions in my heart. Be brave in what God has shown me. Be brave in who I am in Christ and don’t worry so freaking much about the people who tell me I’m wrong. Don’t worry about not being understood, but be brave to speak out when He tells me. I’m not concerned with being an activists. I’m concerned with loving Jesus more and listening to His heart. His heart to love my neighbor whether or not I want to. His heart to stick up for the poor, afflicted, hungry, and sick. I’m working on it. But I’m also not going to apologize anymore for the spirit of passion he has put in my heart. Because I am more concerned with knowing His heart and understanding the things that break it.
My heart was heavy tonight and I believe He encouraged me through a song and that says, “Keep your head up, keep your heart strong. Keep your mind set.”
So I will keep my head up with joy. My heart strong with His strength and my mind set on who He had created me to be. Let the transformation continue.
