I wrote this blog a week ago when we were still in Pattaya. We’ve been working with a rural church since then so internet has been limited.
Last night, five of us decided to pray. We prayed at the Tamar Centre which is on Soi 6, one of the worst streets in the city. We walked down Walking Street and I think my heart broke more last night than it has the whole time we’ve been here. I just couldn’t shove it all away anymore and I felt like it whacked me in the face. Which was kind of a good thing, because then we had all night to pray! All night to claim that the lies we’ve been seeing here don’t get the victory. I believe that God is reclaiming this land. That He is working here in ways I can’t even imagine. It was like God gave me a little piece of His heart for this city last night. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so strongly about praying for something that doesn’t directly affect me.
The thing that God spoke to me about the most is how much He loves the men that are here. I’ll be honest and say that I have hated them. I’m pretty sure every time I see a man with a Thai woman, there is nothing but contempt on my face. Last night we were on Walking Street and I felt like the anger I’d been feeling for the past ten days was about to drown me. I cannot stand what these men come here to do. I cannot stand that they have absolutely no shame about it. I cannot stand that most of these men KNOW BETTER. But as I sat there and looked around, I felt God telling me what it is He cannot stand. I already know that He cannot stand the sin. I already know that He hates what happens here. But the thing that He really and truly cannot stand? The thing that breaks His heart? These men were created for a purpose, the same way that I believe I was created for a purpose. They were created for something better. He created them as a reflection of HIS glory. They were created to know Him.
Later, when we were at the Tamar centre praying, the song How He Loves Us started playing. I’ve listened to that song a lot and it’s spoken to me about how much He really does love us, how much He loves me. And when it played last night, I realized that it was written about the men in Pattaya just as much as it was written about me. Oh goodness, I was not happy. It kills me. How can he love those men like that? But here’s what God said to me about it: some of those men will get a wake-up call and come to know Him, and He’ll forgive them just as freely as He forgave me. And for the men that don’t repent, God will deal with them. It’s not my call. It’s not my place to judge them and it’s not my place to condemn them. God asks me to love them all, whether or not I believe they’re going to change.
I think I’m beginning to see what Jesus meant when He said that His Kingdom was not of this world. This Kingdom perspective certainly doesn’t look much like my earthly one.
