thoughts on leaving

 

It’s finally begun to hit me that I am
really leaving for an entire year. Last night that looked like
sobbing over the mix cd I was making for a friend and then laughing
because I was being foolish and then crying because I was laughing
when I felt so sad. It was quite a cycle. It made me feel a little
like a crazy person. It’s hard to leave knowing that life here isn’t
going to wait for me. That my friends and family are going to
continue to live their lives and I am going to miss it. That I am
going to miss being a bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s weddings.
That most of my friends are going to graduate from university this
spring and I will miss it. That I am going to miss suppers at the
Mckelvies and going to MUNCF on friday nights and having coffee dates
whenever I want.

I didn’t feel sad for too long
though. Because I know without a doubt that God has called me to the
world race, and I am ridiculously excited about the things I am going
to experience this year. Ridiculously excited about the ways that God
is going to move. About the things He is going to teach me.
Ridiculously excited about the fact that He is choosing to use me to
be Jesus to  people all over the world. I love my squad, I love my team and I love
that I get to do this. I love the things that He is teaching me
already. I love the ways in which God has provided support. I love my
church and the sweet ways they have encouraged me, shown interest in
what I am doing and given so cheerfully. And many others too, who have
prayed faithfully, given generously, and spoken encouragment to me. I
think I might be a whole lot more in love with the “Church” than
I ever have been before.

So, a little bit like crying and
laughing at the same time last night – I am sad that I am leaving.
I am sad that I will miss so much in the lives of people I love. But
there is absolutely nothing like being in the center of God’s will.
I’ve been laughing a lot lately. Last night, I may have sobbed like
my dog just died and done some ugly crying…but mostly I have just been
so excited and thankful and joyful. I know it’s not going to be easy.
I know I am going to have rough moments. I know there will be moments
when I will wish I could be back at home. But there is something so
incredibly exciting about following God wherever He leads, and I am
determined to find out where He is leading me this year and follow.
Because honestly, He is God and He is good, and I am just human. His
will has got to be better than mine. If not always easier. I
feel like the possibilities for my life are so much greater at this
moment than I ever imagined they could be.

With that said, Good-bye! I’ll be back in a year.
Full of stories and experiences and hopefully not the same person
that left. Please pray for me and for my team and for my squad. For
safety and protection and unity as teams and as a squad. Please pray
for the finances of the squad – that support raising would not have
to get in the way of ministry, that the money would come in time.
Please pray that we really could be Jesus to those that we meet. That
we would have the kind of love that only comes from God. That we
would be bold. That we would learn how to live in community with each
other. That we would care more for God’s will than our own.

Thanks
so much to those that are praying and to those that are following my
journey. Thanks to those who have given so that I can go. Thanks to
those that have supported me in a million other ways as well!

See you later! 🙂