the one where it’s okay to be overwhelmed
“how much longer until you leave?!”
what I say: I leave in 6 months and I am SO excited!!!
the truth: um, a little over 6 months. 194 days to be exact. I have so much
stuff to get done in 194 days and I have no idea how I’ll be able to do it.
“how’s fundraising going?!”
what I say: Fundraising is going great! I’m really enjoying it!!
the truth: it’s going. it’s really hard and exhausting.
i’m really tired. i hope all the money comes in.
“have you gotten your shots yet?!”
what I say: I haven’t gotten my shots yet but I’m excited to get them so soon!!
the truth: no way. i don’t have the $500 for them.
also, i have no idea where i am going to get the money
for all of my shots. and i don’t like needles.
“how are you?! how’s your heart??”
what I say: Oh goodness, I am so great!! My heart is so full.
the truth: a complete mess. i can’t even begin to tell
you how much of a mess i am. some days i am so excited about
everything related to the world race and other days i’m scared as
h-e-double hockey sticks.
Those are the top 4 questions I’ve gotten lately. As you can see, my real answer is the polar opposite of what I tell people. Sorry for not being totally real with y’all lately.
Basically, I’m really good at acting like I have it all together.
Apart from those 4 questions, what I’ve gotten most lately is this statement “I am so excited for you and really jealous!!! You’re going to have the best time!!” I smile. I agree. The whole time you’re telling me this, these words are running through my head: “why me? am i going to have the best time?? can i do this, can i really do this? why me?”
Wanna know what hit me like a ton of bricks this week???
God has shown me that it’s totally okay to be so overwhelmed.
This week, the Lord has completely rocked my world. (He’s pretty cool!!!!)
The truth is this: I am a future World Racer and
I am freaking out, and that’s okay.
Yeah, I leave in 194 days. But, in those 194 days, God is going to do some really awesome things. He is going to be constantly preparing my heart for the World Race. He will work in ways that will blow my mind. I have 194 more days in America to fall that much more in love with Christ and trust that everything is going to be okay.
He is the peace we can rest in when we are flooded with worry and anxiety.
I have about $14,000 more to fundraise. In six months. That’s kind-of (really) intimidating. It’s so easy for me to oversee all the good in fundraising. The best part about fundraising is that there are so many people that love me and have supported me both financially and spiritually so far in my journey. The other day, I sat and realized just how many people have been supporting me so far. Not because they have to, but because they want to. That’s one of the most humbling things in the world.
He is the joy we can rejoice in when we realize how blessed we are to have people in our lives that love us.
I don’t like needles and I have about a dozen vaccinations I have to get before I can leave. Some of these vaccinations I have to start taking next month. Fun fact: all together this will cost me over $500. What’s cool is that I have some pretty fantastic people in my life that are helping me to figure out where’s the best place to get the shots at the best prices. That’s community. And I didn’t realize this until lately.
He is the strength we can hold on to when we’re weak and need to know that He provides to those He calls.
It’s true, I’m a mess. But I am His mess. And that’s what’s so beautiful. In my mess, I’ve been able to see Christ so clearly. He loves me just the same even though I don’t have it all together. He tells me that I am His. And in my mess, that’s enough. Life gets messy sometimes, but giving that mess to Christ and letting Him help you work through it all is the absolute coolest thing. That’s what I’ve come to realize.
He is love. The only kind of love that makes sense when we are a mess. The love that never stops giving.
Why me? That’s a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. God then answers my question with a question: “Why not you?” I’ve come to realize that it’s so easy to look past my identity in Christ and think that I’m not capable to do this World Race thing. But that’s not what God tells us. He tells us that we are so much more than we think we are. When we think we’re incapable, we are capable because He is able.
He is trustworthy when we think we’re not good enough because He already has the perfect plan made out for us.
It’s okay to be worried. It’s okay to not have everything together. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to freak out. It’s okay to think I’m not capable enough.
It’s okay because God loves, really genuinely and truly loves us. And He’s got it all under control. You’re able to see His beauty in the midst of life’s craziness.
So, here’s the deal. I am so overwhelmed with just how good God is to me.
To us.
the truth: Never in my life have I been so grateful to feel so overwhelmed.
“God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.”
