I could list a million reasons why I haven’t done this yet.
But they would mostly be excuses.
I stepped foot on American soil May 30th, 2012- overwhelmed, unshowered, unsure, excited, scared, exhausted, nervous. So many emotions clamored for my attention that it was hard to pick just one.
Every time I have sat down to open up my heart to the season I just left behind, to feel whatever I need to feel, I am so overcome with grief it brings me to my knees, and I can’t do much except cry and cry out.
It’s not because I hate being home, it’s not because I am bitter towards the materialistic American lifestyle, and it’s not because I feel abandoned or alone.
But the truth is…I remember every place, every dirt road, every orphan I held, every person I loved, every beautiful moment of community living in a family of believers who fought for me and with me, every breakdown and breakthrough I walked through, and the unique sweetness and intimacy with my heavenly Father that was cultivated during this past season.
I remember and reflect on it all, and my heart aches and rejoices all in the same breath.
I am torn between the feelings of loss, and the overwhelming feelings of thankfulness and holy expectancy and anticipation for what’s ahead. For today. Because being home has been an adventure, that’s for sure. Not quite like the adventure I left behind. In some ways, nothing like the adventure I left behind.
But an adventure, nonetheless.
C.S Lewis once wrote in Voyage of the Dawn Treader that “adventures are never fun while you’re having them.”
I don't know if I completely agree with this, but I can testify to the truth in it. Many points in the World Race were far from fun. They were heartbreaking and trying. They made me want to scream and give up.
But the greatest adventures we read and hear about, the greatest adventures of our lives, are almost always roads wrought with obstacles and trials along the way. Risks must be taken. Mistakes are often made. Who wants to read an adventure where the path is clear and the journey is sure? No! We long to live a story that requires courage and boldness, risk and daring.
So what now? How do I continue to live a story full of adventure in the world I am now immersed in?
A world filled with iphones and comfortable beds and 9-5’s and endless distractions?
I start (as my lovely teammate Mary Middleton says) by choosing in, everyday.
I choose the reality of the Kingdom over the reality of the embittered reality of the “real world.”
I choose to take risks.
I choose to see the extraordinary in the ordinary.
I choose life over death. (Deuteronomy 30)
I don’t have it all figured out. I haven’t mastered “reentry.” Culture shock has come in many forms.
I am simply navigating this new season day by day. Each day my heart is being opened to new possibilities and paths and dreams beyond my wildest imagination.
So I don’t write this blog to make a grand statement of how perfect and awesome and well adjusted my life is. Not at all. I have no job, no money, and no sure plan. Certainly not "living the dream" by the world's standards.
But I write to tell you that I am here. I am fighting. I am never settling.
And I am living the adventure of a lifetime.
Some of you know I had a blog before the Race, Dare to Love. After lots of encouragement, Dad has led me to pick that back up again, as a platform to continue to share my adventure with each one of you, both failures and successes, and to hopefully inspire you to live the adventurous life you were always intended to live. I would love for you to continue following me there! http://daringtolovetheworld.blogspot.com/
I am beyond grateful to all my friends, family, and supporters. I have been crazy busy since I have been home, so if I have promised to call or spend time with you and haven’t gotten back to you- PLEASE reach out again! I have lost track of it all in the craziness of this past month, but I am finally settled down and ready to catch up!
As Semisonic once said, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
So here's to new beginnings! 🙂
Blessings,
Courtney
