Like it really, actually hurts. Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching too many episodes of House? Or maybe it’s because of copious amount of polluted, smog filled roads I’ve been walking down. It could be because I miss home… I miss my friends & family… (and my cats).
But that’s not why.
Every night we have family prayer and worship at the ministry we are staying with in Haiti. It’s a place where almost forty individuals of all ages call “home”. Our team joins as we all sit in the living room. We sing… okay we listen to them sing in creole and occasionally sing a song or two. Testimonies of the grace of God are shared and prayers are lifted up. Hugs and blessings of “bondye beniw” (god bless you) are given before going upstairs and hanging out, laughing, dancing, and watching music videos with some of the guys until it’s way past our usual 9 pm bedtime (the race has turned me into a grandma… don’t judge).
That’s where it hit me. I looked around and saw this beautiful group of people that I’ve known for a short time but have such a deep admiration for. I saw faces of my new friends who are really more like family. I realized how difficult loving so hard is. For the past ten months I’ve gone from place to place. I’ve entered people’s lives then grew close to them. I walked through life, shared experiences, and learned from individuals who have played a part in the incredible amount of growth and change I have encountered this year. I poured myself out day after day, month after month, for ten solid months. I loved without reserve. And it hit me last night that it sucks. I hate it, honestly. I love so hard and then leave so fast. A month seems to go by in a day. And then it’s a new place, new people, new ministry, and new opportunities to share the love I have. It’s draining.
But it’s been so worth it.
I don’t regret it at all. Actually, when I think about it it’s a good thing. I’ve invested… and if investing in the place I am means a hard goodbye then it was worth it. The fact that it’s so hard to leave means I have done the thing I came on the race to do- to love others well and to share the source of that love daily.
I now have family in ten countries around the world. I have family who will welcome me with open arms when I (hopefully) get to return one day. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter where you are or who you are around- love unashamedly. It’s sometimes not the easy thing to do. It means focusing on others more than yourself. But, I promise you, it’s always the most rewarding.
Once again, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for all of the prayers and support y’all have shown throughout this crazy journey. Eight more days until I say goodbye to my Haitian family. Prayers (and encouragement) will be gladly received as me and my team spend our last month in the Dominican Republic and then head home to the USA. Love you guys.
