I’m locked in a house with only one way out.
The lock represents striving for the acceptance of people, and the key and door represent God.
There’s only one door and one key but the key will only work if I allow it to.
Allowing it to means answering God’s commands.
For the past several weeks I have been saying I wasn’t going to take any electronics on the race with me (with the exception of my iPod). I followed through with this up until literally a few days ago. My dad even bought me a new laptop for the trip and I made him return it. I felt so content with my decision that no one could change my mind or so I thought.
A few days before launch started though I started to feel doubt and fear and I allowed it to grow larger and larger until I gave in. I called my dad and the next day went out and bought another laptop to bring. I had given in to myself and the devil. But, good news! SATAN DIDN’T WIN!!
Now that I’m at launch with my fancy new laptop, my phone, and my ereader again Abba told me to leave it all behind. I kept wondering why though. Why do I need to do this? Why does everyone else get to take their stuff but you’re telling me to leave mine? And I got the clear answer of you need to learn to turn to me and not them. If I ever felt an imaginary slap in the face, it was definitely in that moment. And of course, God was right. I constantly turn to others for comfort. I turn to people not only in flesh but also on social media for acceptance.
I accepted the fact that I needed to leave it all behind and then I rejected it because…What would I read? and God slapped me again asking if his words weren’t good enough to read. So then I was like okay great I’ll read the bible, you’re right. Then I said well I need to keep in contact with my family and donors and update them and then he said well there will be envelopes, paper, pens, and stamps where you are going. The battle continues and basically I said something and God would laugh and say oh but there is a way, you’re just being selfish and want your things… GIVE THEM UP!
Basically here is the plan God set out clearly for me and I intend to follow it. He asked me to send it all home, which I will. He also asked me to fast from using others computers to blog or get a hold of people back home. At first I was like dang for all nine months? But then he clearly told me no, only three months and then we can talk and we’ll reevaluate. So for three months you won’t hear a word from me on social media. After three months, hopefully one of my lovely teammates with allow me to borrow theirs every two or three weeks to shoot a blog out.
I know a lot of you had said before when I first decided I was going to go without all of this that how will you know I’m okay or how I’m doing or what if you like freak out and need to make sure I don’t have ebola or something. One, NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS. Two, I really encourage you to pray in those times of doubt and fear and really press into The Lord in those moments. Know that God is sending me to these places for a reason and therefor he will protect me and keep me safe. Also, if you are or one of those people thank you so so much but maybe instead of worrying about me getting ebola…worry about you growing your trust in your savor. Harsh, I know but also true!
If you would like an update in the next three months though please email me your address and name to [email protected] and I will happily send you a nice, crisp, hand written letter about everything God is doing for and through me! I will check my email next Sunday, 9/14/14, and write all the address down and bam wam thank you mam’ !
Honestly, it’s 3AM and I’m not about to reread over this blog and make sure it makes sense. I know 100% it is not grammatically correct but it’s all good. If it doesn’t just get your address to me if you want updates while i’m in the Philippines and you’ll be good.
For the next three months…
love and blessings,
Court!
